if it's meant to be,its meant to be

shine me the path

2011-05-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to do anymore.i was saying that im at the point in life when everything seems to be a fucking facade.cant believe its happening kinda thing?i never thought that i'd ever have to go through this stage.at least not now.why?why have things turned out this way between us?are we gonna turn out to be one of those couples who are gonna start fighting over small things every now and then until we reach the point where we both cant take it anymore?do we really have to go that way?maybe i shouldnt be asking u all these.maybe i should be asking myself.cos im the cause of all our arguments and fights.im too sensitive,too insecure,too hot tempered.i know i dun wan us to end up going our own ways.but sometimes,some things are beyond my control.u think if i can control myself,i would wanna lose my temper so easily?of course not right.
i dunno,i really dunno wat to do.it may look like im not trying to make things right but i am.i cant change overnight.i've always been like this.i feel like im contradicting myself.cos while im trying to change,im still doing it wrong.im always doing it wrong.the more i wanna do right,the more wrong i'll do.i dunno wtf is wrong with me uh.i think i need to isolate myself again.from everyone.just be by myself and just,be alone.my own kinda rehab.maybe that will help.

whats become of us? :,(

im not perfect but i'll keep trying

2011-05-04T04:49:00.000+08:00

im not perfect,may not be the best friend any of u ever had,may not be the best gf u ever wanted.im sorry for that.bear with me for awhile cos this is the emo side of me talking.hearing some fucking emo songs.suddenly everything just mattered to me.how everyone thinks of me when i do this and that,when i say this and that,when i dress like this and that.just,everything.but i thank god for each and everyone of u.i thank god for my soul mate.i may have been a fucker after being together for awhile.temper wasnt as good as how it used to me,not as sweet and romantic as before,not as gentlemanly as before,not meeting up as much as before.but trust me,i still love u all the same.if not,even more.i love u more and more each day and theres not a day i've stopped or,will ever stop loving u.we've gone through alot of rough phases and recently is just one of it.we'll get through it.im sure of that.we're halfway to our 3rd year alr.come to think of it,we havent really fought THAT much.everything's always settled on the day itself or tml.i love u very much.i know u prolly dun come and read my blog already.its ok..this is the only place i can say everything out cos no one from the clique knows that i have a blog.dun intend to let them know either.

baby,we'll go a long long way,i promise u of that. :) no matter how tough and hard the road is ahead of us,we will make it through it all,against all odds.i will love u endlessly.i knw words are just words but my word is my bond.let me show u,prove to u that u are all i love and wanna be with for the rest of my life.cos no one can compare to u.they can NEVER make me love them the way i love u and i knw that NO ONE can ever love me the way u love me.i knw that there're some things that are hard for u to say/do but i also knw that ur trying very hard to change.i appreciate that and i love u for trying.take ur time cos im here to stay.

and to the rest of u,i love each and everyone of u very much.of cos i love my brother even more.but yes,all of u mean everything to me.and it hurts me like fuck to see some of u down and everything.im not god,i cant cast away ur pain and emotions,but i'll be here for u guys no matter what.they say blood is thicker than water,i say to hell with that.

our bond is something NO ONE/NOTHING can ever take away from us.we will always be this tight,i promise too.

cos my life revolves around my soul mate and my clique. <3

i love my hamby!

2011-04-11T18:01:00.000+08:00

just because u posted something to sweet and touching on ur blog,i shall too!but i dun have a pic to put on here cos im using company's laptop.
but yes,mr david alex lee,a.k.a my hamby,is the a fucking nice,funny and retarded guy!we may have not liked or spoken to each other alot in the past,look where it got us now. :) i am thankful that i went for ur chalet,then met u and got to knw u better.the times we had when we went for supper and chit chat for like 5 hours were awesome!at least we're not like quiet or watever.have really enjoyed my times spent with u.u and ur silly retarded yet funny jokes and faces!LMAO..i will never forget them.and i will never forget how u stood up for me at mt faber,along side with other times too.when im in need of help or someone to talk to,u were always there for me.im very grateful for that.

for that,i just wanna say i love u hamby!
promise,that no matter what,we will always be this close and tight,if not,even closer and tighter! :)

ironic much

2010-12-23T03:15:00.000+08:00

its pretty ironic that once u start blogging,u cannot stop.seriously,i didnt use to blog for like a fucking long time but when i started blogging again,i just cannot stop.like instead of what people would usually do,which is to rant it on facebook or twitter,i rant it here.maybe for the fact that not many people know that i have a blog.or that those who know,thinks that i dun blog anymore.which is true until recently.i dun find the need to like let people knw that i've updated my blog and everything.its like,i want people to know that i've penned down a load of crap.lol..but yes,i dun really like to write,considering the fact that i havent been writing since i left Shatec.hands will kinda shake and wobble when i write too long.my fingers are much faster on the keyboard.i just spent one paragraph typing crap.as usual. -.-

today marks the 2nd year and 1st month of our relationship. :) despite all the hoohaa,we're still together,strong as ever.maybe its cos we went thru hell that made us stronger and knw that we realy cannot live without each other?well it worked for me,dunno for u.i hope.but sometimes i dunno whether ur happy being together with me or ur just being together with me cos u cant find someone else yet and everything.its just a feeling.i dun even knw myself if a sure thing or watever.i dunno what is it that u do or say or react that made me feel like that.i guess sometimes u cannot explain how feelings come about also.when it comes,it just comes.u dunno anything else except for the fact that u feel that way.but yes,more years to come i hope,for us. :)

i love u

2010-12-01T02:34:00.002+08:00

i dun wanna lose u.

i dun even wanna think about it.

i know that whatever happends to us,we will make it through,i know it.

cos i love u and i know u love me too.

2010-11-22T07:14:00.004+08:00

i am nobody's dog,toy,puppet,whatever.no one holds me by strings and move me around.i dun need anyone to buy me gifts,treat me food or anything to show their appreciation or gratitude.all u gotta do is dun fucking treat me the way YOU dun like people treating u.i gave my everything to the clique.like everything.sometimes i even end up having a fight with my gf cos of it.for some,i go the extra mile..i tried to be everyone's confidant.i tried to make everyone happy.i do whatever i can as long as it makes the person happy.cos i can only be happy when everyone i care about is happy.i know u dun like this,i make sure i dun do it.i know u dun like tat,i make sure i dun do it either.but at the end of the day,watever that u guys dun like,i always seem to be getting them.
sometimes,pleasing everyone is not easy.infact,its NEVER easy.u please one,u gotta think for the other.cos it might mean u have to keep a secret,or tell a secret,or even create a secret.or it might mean that the others might be unhappy about if they learnt about it.u please one here,and the other there gets unhappy.then u please one there,another one over somewhere gets unhappy.and at the end of the day,everyone gets unhappy with u when all u wanted to do was to make everyone happy.of course,some of u dun have to go through this kinda problems.some of u never have to be the one making plans,making sure everyone gets the msg,making sure everyone replies to the msg and then making sure everyone is present on the day itself.its like ur the only one taking part in this.and all u ever gotta do is reply.thats all,fucking reply.is it that hard?u dun have to mass send the message,and wait for each and everyone's reply.or to message the person again cos he/she hasnt replied.and u dun have to call those who didnt reply and didnt turn up.all u gotta do is reply.that simpple..
BUT,if its one of u who's doing the organising and getting whatever i've been saying,i see u guys getting all fucked up,all pissed off and such.but then again,u do it too.sometimes i feel like giving up.cos its fucking disheartening and discouraging to wanna keep going on despite all the shit i know i will have to take.it hurts like fuck when i get treated the way u guys dun wanna be treated.when all i ever wanna do is get the clique to stay together as one.when a problem arises,one will rather stay home and not be a part of it.instead of being there to be there for the person or see wat can be done so that things can go back to normal.its tiring to always ask,'are u coming?u wanna come?just come la'..and all u get is,'i dun wanna go down then this person got problem'.'or 'lazy la.'
OR EVEN BETTER,they get fucked up with u cos u keep asking them to come.
when u try,u get this.when u dun try,people will complain and say about this,say about that.but do nothing,nothing at all.
NO,im not tryna be noble here.to say that im doing all the shits and stuff.NO,im not wanting u guys to say sorry and all give group hugs or shed some tears together.AND NO,im not tryna say someone should take over this tiring,fucked up responsibility.im just saying,open ur eyes a lil wider and maybe just show ur appreciation and gratitude by showing some actions which compliment ur words.i really dunno what the fuck i should do anymore.be the nonsense talkative fun me or be the quiet,serious,emo me.cos if u want the truth,as much as i love all of u,im fucking hurt by how some of u treat me.like a fucking punching bag,a fucking robot.happy u steady with me,not happy u gimme a piece of u.
why dun u sit down,think back,and ask urself,have i ever fought with any of u the way some of u fight with each other before?have i ever showed my attitude or anything at all?and think if its fair that i get it from u guys.i think about it now and it brings tears to my eyes even as im typing this.but yet,im putting a fake smile and attitude.
why?cos i love this clique like fuck.i fucking love all of u..that despite all this fucking shit,after awhile,i tell myself to just let it go.if it takes me to just keep it and rant it here cos none of u know i have a blog and even if u do knw,u guys dun come here to read,then i'll do it.cos i knw that if i were to one day blurt it out,some of u will get pissed off and will make ur decision in not wanting to mix with the clique already,some wun care and blabla..then in the end,everything just splits from there.cos i know,some of u just dun bother.but im not like some of u.i cant just dun bother about things especially when it concerns the clique.i cant just dun bother and sua it.gosh i dunno what else to type anymore..the more i type,the more i cry.the more i cry,the more depress i get.

i love the clique,thats all i can say.
but everyone has their limits.

2010-07-22T05:08:00.002+08:00

i have so many things to do.

.get some part time jobs
.earn some income
.pay off school debts
.go for bike lessons
.get bike license
.get a bike
.start planning for future career

main thing now is to earn like big bucks to pay off the debt.then i can slowly but efficiently work towards my bike lessons and license.then finally get my bike and slowly take my time to go for trainings to being a social worker.so many things to do,so little time.need income,need freedom,wanna party like a rockstar but now,can only dream of it.
feel bad that dad has to pay for the penalty.so i need to find a couple of part time jobs to help pay.shall work something out with the school and see how long i can take to pay off.
seriously have nothing much to type cos life is so mundane for me.everything is like a cycle.everyday just use the com,go online,tweet,msn,facebook,download movies,lunch,dinner,occasionally go out,back home,use the com and sleep till late arvo then wake up,bathe and use the com again and wait for dinner to come.if this goes on,im gonna be like a freaking walking zombie man.
wanna work,wanna earn some income,but yet,still feel that my break should be longer,still feel lazy to wanna work.it's been like what,only a month plus since i stopped working.doesnt even feel like it.if only there's a suitable job for me to work from home,then it'll be like fucking good.oh well,beggars cant be choosers if not we'll turn out to be losers.

ok fuck this shit.
buck up jo!

2010-07-01T03:54:00.002+08:00

i dun have a clue why i cannot get to sleep every night.
this is the result of not having work or school.
u become nocturnal and experience insomnia.

oh and yes,i love u baby :)

2010-06-05T02:33:00.002+08:00

i never thought i'd ever need a miracle.but right now,im praying hard for one.
i never thought i'll ever have to experience losing someone so dear to me,but right now,things seem to be going that direction.
i feel so lost,so empty,so hopeless.i have no clue what i have to do or can do to make things better.
i hate having to go through this kinda pain and shit.never liked this feeling and will never love it.
i just want everything to be alright.i cannot afford to lose another dear one in my life.

this is so hard,so pain.

this emotional break down aint going away

2010-03-31T00:33:00.002+08:00

why is this happening to me?i tried to forget about you,i really did tried.but it's really so hard.one thought of u,one dream and now,i keep thinking bout u.all the times we spent,all the laughter,all the things we did..i miss all of them and i wish to see u.just for one more time..but i know that it will never happen.i'll never be able to see u.i can only keep u in my heart.i dunno how long i can go on like that..sighs...why'd u have to go just like that.one moment,things were good,the next moment,ur gone from my life.just like that..up till now,i've never been able to forget the way u left me.it hurts so so much.and everytime i think about it,i can feel pain,like knives stabbing my heart all at the same time,at the same place,cutting me deeper and deeper,while i just bleed more and more.i dun think i can ever be strong to let go of this and just move on.u will forever stay in my heart.if i can see u again,i wanna talk to u about the past,and laugh about all the things we did.then i'll be happy.i'll be contented.but i can only share all these to myself.i can only smile and laugh by myself cos there's no more u with me.
if only...

2010-03-29T15:40:00.002+08:00

Why do I keep thinking about u?why can't I just stop?and everytime I think about u,tears will just fall out naturally.I really hav no idea what I'm gonna do if I continue bein like this.I had a dream about u ytd and everything felt so real.when I woke up,I feel that I miss u so much and that I wanted tk see u again.just one more time..sighs..it's been so long since u've been gone..but u and ur memories still linger on in my heart..I feel pain and aches whenever u come into my mind..
Gosh I just know I miss u alot..
I pray for a miracle.

2010-03-28T03:09:00.002+08:00

so lets see,this one week of work for me.
SHAGGED..thats all i can say..
1st day of work i went down to the office at 10am sharp,infact i was early by like 10 mins kind.then went for orientation,chose uni,did some paperwork and off i went to start my 1st day of work.
oh wait wait,the fuck up part isnt mentioned yet.i was told that my outlet will be at wisma.yes so off i went and when i got there,they were unsure if i was in the correct outlet.which i told them i was told to come over.so the chef asked me to go and get changed into my uniform while he went to make a phone call to check.
here's the fucked up part.after changing,i went back and immediately,he asked me to change outta my uniform cos im in the wrong outlet.naturally my reaction was 'HUH'..but i was told to come to wisma.to think that i even double checked with him if where i am was wisma. -.- he told me they made a mistake.im supposed to go to Samsung Hub at Church Street at Raffles Place.im like,what the fuck la.cos what's fucked up ws that he asked me to go get changed while he make a phone call to check things out.why cant u just fucking tell me to hang on for awhile while u double check?why make me walk back and forth all the way to the bloody toilet which is situated at the other fucking end of the level to change into the fucking thick uniform and heavy boots.really really damn fucking retarded that guy.and he didnt even bother saying sorry ah i make u go change at all.no bloody courtesy man..i havent started work and i was already sweating like hell inside cos of the damn uniform.
yeah so i went off to Samsung Hub.from there,things went pretty well.cos half the day i spent travelling like some freaking tourists looking for a place to work as a cook.i ended up at Samsung Hub around 3plus almost 4.and the chef in charge there,Gavin,was a nice and funny guy.he immediately got me a locker to put my stuff and all.and i immediately complained to him about the travelling and everything after i intro-ed myself.lol.. :DD
he asked me if i've eaten and i told him no but he still asked me to put everything down and go and have my lunch.asked me if i smoke and asked me to go smoke afew sticks then come back and all.so well,u gave me the green light,then i might as well take it right?more time to slack before i get changed and meet new people.so i went to eat opposite and everything and really took my time.came back almost 1 hour later,by then it was alr like 4plus?
was introduced to Raymond the CDP and Kok Wai,C1.Raymond showed me around the kitchen which isnt really much cos its kinda small and all.and after that,the whole time,i was just sitting down,lookin throught the recipe files and their menus and talking to them.soon,it was time for me to go.lol..time passed by freaking fast for that day.
ok,that was pretty much what happened on the 1st day of my work.
following days were like normal working days already.usually the 1st day everybody is all friendly and such then after that,they're like complete different people already. -.- they expect u to learn everything in sucha short period of time even though they dont say it.when the busy period hits them,they get helpless and they vent it on u.thye asked u to hurry up and do something which u dunno and ask u not to just hang there.like what the hell am i supposed to do other than stand there and OBSERVE how u all do ur thing so that i can learn and remember and do it the next time right?sheesh..its not called HANGING there,its call OBSERVING.and after the busy period is over,they just switch back and become their normal self again.and they come and tell u dun kanchiong,cos u new,i wont push u.take ur time to learn.
WHAT THE FUCK.. _l_..
i know that during the busy time,everyone needs to pace up and all,i dun mind and i understand but dun just switch ur self and act like wa ur damn understanding that im a newbie and all ma right.so fake la.but i guess there are people like that.and in my line,i should be counting my blessings that at least the chefs nowadays dun throw pots and pans and vulgarities at u.cos i heard in the olden days,those chefs are like loan sharks man.fucking hound u till u wanna cry and just quit immediately kind.lucky Kok Wai is a year older than me and we'e like good chumps kind.he cooked for me their awesome mushroom chicken linguine pasta when Raymond left and all.lol..we like to crap about and all.
and lastly,note to self and everyone out there.
'At every workplace,there's always someone fucked up and bossy,always someone who bootlicks,that will piss the shit outta you.' 'ENDURANCE' is the word!!
service crew,a guy called Alvin..damn fucking pu bor and proud.not only is he anti social,when he was being intro-ed,he dont even nod his head or anything,he just stared at me like im invisible and hes just stoning in my direction at the wall behind me.knowin that im new,of course i wouldnt know that u need a fucking key to go to the toilet even right!?!like what the fuck,go toilet also so ma huan meh,need to take key and everything.then if u really needa shit and everything u also run to the service crew and take the keys?just so customers will not open ur door while ur bombing away.i think by then from the service desk to the toilet behind,i already left a trail of fresh poop only to go to the toilet to clean myself up la.
dumb ass..the way he told me was that fucking bitchy for a guy la.and he dodnt even complete his sentence.
Alvin: "do u know u need to get the key from us when ur going to the toilet so that we will know someone is in the toilet?"
Me: *look at him and sarcastically said, "oh i didnt know u need to have a key pass to go to the toilet"
Alvin: "what if the customer needed to go to the toilet and ur inside and they opened the door cos we didnt know that someone is inside cos u didnt take the key?how will the customer react?next time....."
and then he just look into the kitchen and after that,walk pass me.
-___-..tell me what kinda moron is he?fucking sissy chao aqua la..oh and he only told me off cos he was the fucker who used the key to open the toilet door when i was changing.and he didnt even say sorry when he saw me.he just looked at me and then closed the door.bloody fool..
sighs..ok im done ranting on my blog already.i think this is like the 1st time in so many months i actually blogged so much.the bar also gonna finish already.i shall update more soon.when more things happen at work.
heads up Jo,hell begins for u now.

2010-03-25T02:03:00.002+08:00

I love u.I love u so much..I really cant imagine my life without u.I'm sittin down on my bed now and lookin at u thru the webcam..u look so cute when u sleep.my heart melted instantly.I enjoy watchin u sleep.some may think it's sadistic or crazy but I really enjoy watchin u sleep.I wish I can hold u in my arms,I wish u can hold me back and hug me tight.I love the look u have when u sleep..
And just by lookin at u,sometimes tears can just flow out.maybe it's cos I really can't bear to let u go or even think of what's gonna happen to me if u ever leave me.I can't bear to hurt u either.u mean the world to me.
Baby I just really want u to know how much u mean to me..I just feel alot for u,I've nvr felt like this for anyone before.I wanna be with h and only u.look at how far we've gone and been thru.and we're still loving each other alot.my feelings are increasing for u every single day.now that both of us are working,I really hope and wish that it's not gonna draw us apart from each other.I dun wan u to be affected by whatever nots at work and then because of work,we drift apart because we fight about our moods and attitude.I think the only time we can spend time together is when I pick u up from work.that half hour spent with u is very important and I will not let anything make us fight to ruin that little time for us.
I'm missin u alot right now tho I can see u thru cam..u sweet lookin cute girl,my girl,my baby,my love,my everything.
I love u..

2010-03-23T00:55:00.002+08:00

its one year and four months now.

still going very strong.

infact even stronger than before.

i love you baby..

always and forever.

2010-03-21T16:33:00.003+08:00

I just read one of my friend's tumblr post and I was almost closed to tears.I dun even know why too..I guess it's cos from her post I feel great pain,agony,sadness and prolly disappointment but yet,also great motivationand willpower.that's one Hell of a strong girl there.given her age and such,pure awesomeness.I dun know her well.without my bro,I wun even know her.despite the fact that she lives near nix and such.
The 1st time I met her,she was so friendly and chirpy.a very nice personality and character u would say.being a friend,u'll never get tiredbof laughing at her jokes and the way she emphasize things.being her partner,u'll nvr be bored of her nor will u ever have a loss of topics to talk about.she's like the perk in te relationship.I feel for her,knowin or rather,seein her post..I dun think I can ever be as strong as her to move on so fast and be still as confident,as happy go lucky as her.
I,have learnt something from her..
To never let anything or anyone bring u down with their words.and while u think u can never make it in life somewhere,somehow deep inside u,u can.all u gotta do is believe in urself and do it.not thinking of anything else but achieving wat u have in mind.
Thank u,ess for that awesome post of urs.for u,have woken me up.and as much as u prefer people callin u mel or Melissa,I still rather call u Ess.I think it's a dam nice name.and whoever dares to disturb ur name with the other word(u know wat word right) ;),just tell em to back the fuck off. :)) lol..
U take care girl and if there's anything at all u need,a listening ear or a shoulder,u know where to find me.

2010-02-25T03:56:00.001+08:00

oh the overwhelming love for u.

1 year 3 months and going very strong still.

more to come yes?

i love you very much.

2010-02-12T02:24:00.002+08:00

CNY is coming in like 2 days time!!
red packet red packet red packet!! :))
tml having reunion dinner with step family's side then onsat having reunion lunch with dad and step mum and at night,with mum's side.
so much to do,so little time to prepare.
i wanted to like bug a whole chicken and try to roast it to see if its successful so that i can cook it at home during the 2nd day when mum's side is here but unfortunately,the temp for it to be cooked in is way too high for my mini oven.
si i've decided to make salmon bruschetta :)
its something like garlic bread topped with tomatoes,salmon,salt,pepper,olive oil,balsamic vinegar,garlic and what nots.apparently,salmon is a favourite amongst my family members.so it shudnt be a prob.i can get mushrooms ones too.easy to make!
just mix all the ingredients together and put them on the bread and oven it.simple as that. :)
soon im gonna make this potato tart with asparagus.saw it on one of jamie oliver's cooking show on tv a few days back.looks easy to do.
anyway,my face is finally healed before new year.been to like 4 doctors before i got the right meds and all.a worthy one i'd say.lol..tho the last one i went burnt a huge whole in my dad's pocket.lol..
lastly,today was a good day.haven felt like that in awhile and thanks to today,im feelin good. :)
of cos i gotta thank baby for it too.without her with me,i wudnt be this happy. :)
i love u baby. :)

on a side note,for this someone:
dun think that we're stupid,cos the more u try to hide,the more obvious it gets.
dun take us as fools cos one day,when u least expect it,things are gonna blow.
trust me,its not a threat,it'll happen.dun think that people around u are oblivious to wat ur doing.

2010-02-03T17:43:00.003+08:00

quick recap.
dun have to do part time anymore.
can start on full time but its 9 months instead of 6 months cos they brought forward my remaining 3 months of part time over.
gonna find a job as soon as cny ends.
been itching for mahjong.
still recovering from my fungal infection.
been to 3 doctors and things are only starting to look better after the 3rd one.but my oral pills for it have already finished.now i only have to depend on my anti septic bath foam for my fungal infection.
face looks better but around my mouth area seems to be some sorta complications.
bumps growing on both palms of my hands,very itchy at times too but seems to be getter better now.
afraid that my face will take a longer time to heal,afraid that im not able to recover before cny.hopefull the skin doctor whom im going to soon can do something about it.aunty has had the same prob and within a week,she was recovered.
me?its been a month plus already.so hopefully,im able to heal fast too.
if not i will feel like my whole face and mouth has been glued all over.lol..
love life,rocky cosof some people but im sure it will get better.
shall not talk further on it.
well basically,always at home cos of my stupid face.dun wanna go out cos people are always staring at my face.
and basically,thats it.

2010-01-24T00:34:00.002+08:00

im so fcuking freaked out by the results of my search about my fungal infection on my face.the pictures are fcuked up and so are the answers to it.dammit im getting scared now.i dun wanna end up lookin like those people in the pictures man.fcuk,and its been almost a month i've been having it.not only on my face but my neck,arms,chest,back.god..im still having goosebumps just thinkin about it.now im contemplating whether i shud just go to the private clinic near my house tml and speak to the doc.have seen doc like 2 times and.all they told me is i got fungal infection and gave me cream which dun help at all.infact,it seemed to be spreading even more.
fcuk,i shall speak to my mum about it tml and see how it goes.i feel like im like my dog now,just keep scratching and scratching only.
i need help,desperately.

2010-01-07T02:25:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since I won so much in mj.and today is one of those days.dam it feels so dam good to win alot sia.nix's friend,glen,lost the most.but it was a fun game no doubt about that.I guess some will say it's luck.and I'm sure it is.lol bit I dun think luck is always smiling on me.gotta balanced it with a lil bit of skills too.and again,I ain't as skilled as nix's friends but wat's important is that everyone enjoys themselves yes? :))
I know I did,whether I lose or win.
Oh yes,took my blood test today too and some people were disturbing me about changing plaster after awhile and all cos it's not nessessary and such.obviously some people are not aware of bein hygenic and such.
Lol..I wonder who ;)
ok,tires tired me.gonna stop now.

2009-12-30T01:25:00.003+08:00

So I've been goin swimming recently. :)) and gettin myself real tanned.last week was at wild wild wet and today was at jurong east swimming complex.the last time I went there was like afew years ago.now the place seems a little dead to me compared to the other time.there's alot of people there still,no doubt about that but just not as much as before.the queue used to form till the stairs which was all the way at the entrance of the carpark.there wasn't a single queue just now when I was there.maybe it's cos it's a weekday..oh and we saw this niggardly boy with a very young lookin Indian gal in the pool gettin all touchy and all.and I'm sure that he masturbated and jerk off in the pool.he made it pretty obvious.nix actually reported it to the lifeguard.lol..oh well..met up with farah and her bf and friends at town after that to catch avatar.super cool showwww!!!!the graphics was like whoo,the sound effects was like whoo who0 and the whole plot was like WHOOOO!lol..I was tellin nix,the screenwriter is one hell of a creative too too.lol..there were even applause after the show.overall,worth the 2 and a half hour.Ate at hong kong cafe with nix while farah and her bf went back to her place for manicure and pedicure.so,overall,that's about what happened today.I'm happy with my tan and oh yes,I drove farah's dad's car just now at the carpark.I wanted to go to the prata shop but she was sk scared that I gave in and decided to stop scaring her.I didn't actually do anything to the car yet, just accelerating and reversing the car and she got so scared.lol..yes farah,ur a scardy cat.lol..no la,u know I'm kiddin la.next time wear seat belt la,then u wun be so scared.anyway,I shall blog more soon.gonna call the naggy grandma now. :)

2009-12-21T22:45:00.002+08:00

im here with a story-

a story about how i met someone who has made an impact in my life ever since i saw her pic.it was like love at first sight.i couldnt take my eyes of her pic,i couldnt stop thinkin of her.i keep goin back to the same place to look at the same pic all over again.my friends thought i was mad,some encouraged me to speak to her.took me awhile to muster up enough courage to send her a message.even so,typing out just one sentence made my hands trembled so much.i've never felt like that towards someone before.yes,i've been in a few serious relationships,i've loved all of them but i've never loved anyone of them the way i love this girl.u cant compare love,i know but the feeling i had,for that girl,was very special.very strong.cos for one,i dun even know her at all;where she stays,what's her favourite color,her age,whats her favourite food or drinks,if she likes boys or girls,i dun even know her name.but the only thing i knew at that moment and from that moment on,was that i've fallen head over heels for her.ive fallen hard,i've fallen bad for her.i feel so much for her till i get so nervous when i sent her the message,and when i log online to check if she's replied.when the page is loading,i can feel and hear my heart beat so loud and fast.no i aint lying.every bit of this story is true,right from the bottom of my heart.the 1st time i met her was the day i told myself she's the one,was the day everything was clear to me.the cards were laid on the table for me to see,telling me what to do next.i just couldnt let go of her.i cant give her up anymore.despite knowing that she's attached and that she probably wont even be mine despite all my trying.but i didnt stop there..cos i couldnt..its like my mind is telling me to just forget bout her but my heart is telling me to try harder,to hang in there.and that's what i did.something i never thought i'd do.i pressed on but i didnt press on too much or fast.and that has got us here,right now,after 1 year.still together happily.
i've never been so happy before,being with someone.yes its still not my longest relationship but i know very well,she knows very well that she can beat that anytime hands down.
baby u know i love u very much.and i'll do anything and everything for u.even if its not within my capabilities,i'll still try my best to give u my all.im no god.i cant give u everything from the world,but at least i can give u my everything,from my world.i can give u my full attention,care and concern,love,everything.i'll pluck the stars for u if i can.i'll go to the mood and doodle your name all over and bring it to u if i can.tho its impossible but at least u know that im willing to do whatever it takes to make u happy.there's never a day i wake up and not think of u.ur constantly on my mind.whatever i do,be it eating,watching tv,being online,sleeping,reading,anything,im always thinkin of u.yes we may fight and such,have arguments and misunderstandings.but at the end of the day,know that my hear is still with u.always will be with u.know that i still love u so very much.no fights or anything,no matter how big it is,or wat the thing is about,can make me love u any lesser than how im loving u now.im not gonna risk our relationship to trivial matters..tho they say that thru fights,will couples love each other more,but we dun have to go that way,do we baby?things are goin very well for us,i dun wanna spoil it.and i dun wan it to ever end.there's still a long way ahead of us,so many things we haven done yet,so many places we havent gone to yet,so many food we haven tried yet.remember that we still wanna travel when we're older?i aint ever gonna leave u ok.remember that.u are my now and u are my later,my present and my future.there's nowhere else i'd rather be than to be right here with u.i dun care of the world collapsed and we're stranded at some place.as long as im with u,anywhere is fine.cos its u who makes me live on,makes me stronger.without u,im nothing but a plank of wood.liveless,useless,meaningless.
u baby,are everything in my life.
i baby,i need u very much too...

2009-12-21T01:47:00.013+08:00

hello.this boy here is my lil brother.his name is Josiah.f
freaking cute right! :)
1st 4 blurr pics were taken today while he was trying to pee.now he's learning how to pee and poo in the potty.which he isnt doing very well.lol..the rest of the pics were taken on the day when we brought him out to town to shop.i love the pic where he wore the beanie on him. :)
oh and christmas,im feeling it again.lol..
dun mind the prev entry cos well,when ur not in the best of mood,u tend to be like that.lol..
dinner today at mum's workplace and nix came along with me.surprisingly,she agreed immediately.lol..thanks baby. :) u made my day by coming.only me,josh and nix were there.so we went to BK to have our dinner.for once we were early but mum made us wait like 40mins. -..-..so anyway,after dinner we made a trip down to PS and went to spotlight.nix went to find present for her sis.lol..josh and i were playing with those props.we wore wigs and mask and a devil's wand and hats.so freaking funny.people were like laughing at us and all but heck care la.
starbucks after that cos josh wanted to have a drink and home at last.i got irritated with this stupid bloody china prostitute in the train with her stupid cheeky pervert balls itchy old boyfriend,old enuf to be her father.fucking hugging and kissin in the mrt like nobody's business and all.then after that that stupid woman kept staring at us.even when she left the mrt,she's still huggin and kissin that old man.gosh i cant stand this kinda people.canot be discreet about their relationship.its not a very nice thing to let people see that ur with a prostitute and to make it worse ur smooching and hugging in public with your hands flyin everywhere.ah dun wanna talk much about it if not i'll just anger myself even more.lol..
goin to school tml in the morning to have a talk with the VP about my resignation at prime.hopefully all goes well.feeling about of nervousness already.
aites,shall upload the pics now.thanks baby again for uploading them.

2009-12-19T15:54:00.002+08:00

ah fuck christmas.
let's just go get drunk and fuck the world.
who cares anyay,i dont.
let's get wasted!

dammit

2009-12-19T02:28:00.004+08:00

Chrisrmas oh christmas.im feeling it already. :)

2009-12-19T02:00:00.002+08:00

shopping shopping shoppinggggg..
got converse shoe from mum.
went shopping with nix today at town.brought josiah along.whoo..he's a goodboy.naughty as every kid will be but overall,he's obedient.went to uni qlo at somerset 313 and nix got herself a pants she loves alot.and my sweater cannot be found.all sold out and they're not gonna replenish back.fook. :( this lady asked me if josiah was my son cos she saw me feeding him and such.lol..i had the urge to play with her and said yes,my wife's in the fitting room but nah,i said he was my brother.lol..her expression after hearing my answer was priceless.a form of relief kind.lol..
time to feed josiah and settled at blue mountain cafe.dam..was abit hard to feed him cos he's distracted by our food and such.so in the end,i left the feeding to a later time.as we were about to leave for heeren,we chanced upon cotton on and yes,nix loves cotton on.got her a jacket that she really likes alot.christmas gift.last minute one cos i was intending to her something else.but she likes her gift anyway,so all's good.went on to heeren to walk around and nix got me a Dickies bag!!love it.plain but nice to me.thank u. :)
and from that,she got a $10 voucher from fish and co.so we went there just to get ice cream for josiah which he didnt eat and drinks for ourselves.not bad.cos nix figured we wun be using the voucher anytime soon and it was only for the outlet at heeren.so since we were there already then might as well.lucky for us,josiah didnt shit at all.so cleaning him up and fixing him with new pampies wasnt as difficult as the other time.lol..went on to taka after that.nix shopped for her family's gift while i do for mine.i've got everyone's gift settled.dad's was the 1st,then on to josiah,josh and lastly mum's and step mum's.those are like the main people i should settle 1st before thinking of others.im like freaking fucking broke now cos of all the shopping and i still gotta pass dad some cash for my itouch.
but nevermind cos after christmas,comes CNY.so its $$$ all over again.so i should be able to cover my losses and hopefully,before mum finds out how much i've overshot what im not supposed to used from my bank.if she finds out the amount i have left,i can literally forget about having my card with me already.she's gonna kill me.i myself cannot stand the amount i saw in my bank just now. -.-...and i still have to return some cash to some of my peeps.gimme awhile more yes?i'll get it done as soon as my this month's pay comes in which wun be in full amount cos i just left half way thru but oh well.i know i did the right thing.
gonna rest tml.no shopping till sun or mon.then its out to look for pressies again.still got a couple of people to settle.wun be seeing nix tml too as she has her her friend's birthday to attend to.will be missing u tho. :)had a great time with u today together with josiah.and we'll definitely do it again soon.

love u baby.

2009-12-17T16:52:00.000+08:00

FINALLY.
2 hours of fixing this up.
dee calledme and he seems pretty ok with this whole matter but he asked me to make an appointment with him to take my log book.so i guess,im left with that.but at least i know that he's not fucked up with me. :)
makes everything so much better for me.
dinner with mum soon.

2009-12-17T14:26:00.002+08:00

so i just spoke to my school and chef in charge,have tendered my resignation and will go and speak to my VP on monday about this matter.in a way,i feel bad for leaving just like that but then again,it's a sooner or later thing.so might as well now.at least i can take a break for now till end of this month and then go get a job again.what i need now is a breakkk..have lost interest in working at prime anyway.some people there whom i cant communicate with and for some unseen reasons,i feel that they dun like me.maybe cos im a girl,or maybe they just dun fucking like me.lol..but what can i do right.there's bound to be people like that in places u work.guess im not that lucky afterall to be a in good place like saucisse.but this is life anyways.but the head chef there is good to me.cos i wanted to quit earlier,he changed the working hours for me and all but hey,im not the only one who benefited from it.so i feel bad that in a way,i din give him a chance to see if things work out for me,but i dun feel that bad cos at least he din only did it for me.for once,i wanna think for myself and not for others.but he's a great guy anyways.guess it doesnt matter now whether he has changed his opinion of me or anything.just wanna leave that place and start afresh somewhere new.

so christmas,here i come. :)

2009-12-17T02:15:00.002+08:00

cant find a better reason to why im loving my life so much now.
only cos of that special someone who made everything all worth it.
cant think of any reasons why i'd wanna change my life now or at any time.
not doing very good at work now cos i've lost interest in working there.
people there are not as nice as i thought they were.things just aint working out and there's no point in working there already.wanna take a break from work till end of this month and then find a new job in jan.which im sure i can get a job pretty soon cos i have friends who are there for me when i need them.so yes,lets just hope that all goes well for me.

love my family and love this one very special someone who changed my whole life.
dunno what i'll do without her.

i love u baby. :)

2009-11-12T01:09:00.001+08:00

tryin too.
u'll never be alone.as ur trying,so am i cos it takes 2 hands to clap.
let's make it right cos i know that ur the right one for me;myone and only.

2009-11-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

paranormal activities was wacked man.lol..abit boring cos they focused more on the talking and all..lesson the filming and capturing of the ghost.but when it came to that,it was pretty shocking.the last part of the show is the scariest i'd say.
BUT,i shall not disclose it.however,i will say,for those who loves a good scare and dun mind wasting money to catch it in the cinema,go ahead.cos scary movies are best watched in the movies cos of the sounds.but for those who rather watch it in the comfort of their laptops cos its pretty boring and draggy,go on and download it.its already out. :)
i dun think it was a waste of money,i lke a good scare.tho it wasnt that well done but still.people were screamin in the cinema and so many were like lookin down their seats,suddenly findin it interesting,closing their eyes,hidin their faces in their partners' clothes.lol..but for a scary movie,there were laughters in between too.lol..oh well,shall not talk about it already.go watch it and find out for urselves.
oh yes,i saw someone pretty familiar yesterday while i was on my way to my mum's workplace at town.lol..
anyway,i bought a spag top from Esprit yesterday for baby.and she wore it when i gave it to her today.looks perfect on her,fits just well. :)
sighs,im fcuking dreading next week cos i'll be starting work at a new outlet which most prob will be at demsey hill.so freaking far and out of the way for me.i'll be working like a freakin zombie for the 4 days im workin.from morning to night just cos of the dam bloody split shift.i wanna work straight shifttttt!!!im totally gonna lose contact from the outside world man.unless i get lucky sometimes,i will have my off day on a weekend so that i can have dinner with mum.but that too,i highly doubt so cos weekdays or weekends,that place is fcukin packed during lunch and dinner especially.so i can literally kiss my sweet life away. :(
i think they rather add the OT hours we work and give OIL than to let us off after 9hours.cos they need people.but i need my lifeeeeeee...
BUT,then again,this is work.so i guess i just have to deal with it for like,another 6 freakin months.and i think that they wun be transferring me to another outlet after like 2 months or so already tho they said they will.cos i feel that they only reason why they're transferring me from fullerton is cos i cant stay there for a long time as its not approved from school.i can only be there for exposure's sake.so now that they've put me in a place where its approved by school,i dun think they will wanna go thru trouble of planning and thinkin of where to put me after 2 months at prime.im pretty sure i'll be stuck at prime for the rest of my attachments.damm..and i heard that that place is hell.like literally hell..
ah fcuk it man..i shall just bite my lips and go thru this 6months,torture or no torture,hell or no hell.
baby,i just wanna assure u that nothing will change between us ok?i promise u my love. aint gonna drift from u,i aint gonna change my attitude towards u.feelings aint gonna waiver at all ok.all these i promise u from the bottom of m heart.cross it,and hope to die if i lie.infact,like u said,absence makes the heart grow fonder.so yes,let this be a test or a challenge for the both of us to see if we're really strong for each other and if we can overcome this barrier.which i strongly feel that we can cos my love for u is always and will always be very strong for u.and i hope u feel the same way too ok. :)
i love u baby,now,later,always.

2009-11-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

one minute things are going so well,the next,things start going downhill.
one minute,im slowly picking up the pieces,the next,i broke it all over again.
i cannot go on like that already.and its all because of work.it's affecting me this bad,im just keeping everything inside of me.no point talkin it out to anyone cos whatever advice they have for me,are all the same which i've heard before.talkin about it will only aner and affect me more.not only does it affect me,its affectin my r/s.breaking down every other night to sleep.
sometimes i wish i can turn back time.i dun think i wud have taken this profession.
i rather work part time at some fast food place or do some data entry job thingy.but at least the work timing is fixed,i can go home everyday for dinner,i can meet her anytime after working.i rather work a regular 9-5 job than some shitty place with shitty people ranting their fucked up attitudes.when at work,im receiving it,but when im out,im giving it.and thats not good,thats not healthy.i need a break.
a break from work.if this persist,im afraid im gonna lose control of myself.
im starting to hate myself.

2009-10-31T02:07:00.002+08:00

one day of stayover,one night of fun,one night of romance.
treasured,cherished.
wish u could stay a day longer,wish i could spend more time with u.
wish for times like this again.
missin u already,always loving u baby. :)

2009-10-05T22:46:00.002+08:00

happy that things are fine now.it will get better soon..ur right,i did try my best,but i didnt try hard enough.
for u,i will try harder.cos i know that every effort is worth it.as long as its for u.i love u very much baby.more than u and i both can ever imagine. :)

bwang bwang

2009-10-05T01:26:00.003+08:00

keeping everything inside of me.about him,about her.everything.and when its dark,when im alone,i'll let it all out.its the only way so as not to vent it on them.im the one with the problem and i shouldnt put my burden on them.its about me and only me.only i can settle and handle this whole thing myself.
dun worry,whatever promises i made to u,i've not forgotten about them neither will i break them but im sorry,as u know,im always the what if person.and i feel that i have to let u know the fact that being in the state i was,anything can happen at anytime,anywhere.not that i want it that way but im not thinking straight.nobody will be thinking straight at that point of time.
before everything is too late or im not given a chance to say it incase anything happens,i'll say them here.cos i know that u'll come here to read.

almost 11 months,im very happy.have never been this happy and serious in my life before until u came into it.never have done alot of things i did to u before to anyone else.never have loved anyone else the way i love u before.u are a very wonderful and perfect girl to me.the prettiest girl i've known.yes,there may be other girls out there who are better looking than u,who displays their affection more openly verbally than u,but all these doesnt matter at all.cos its becos of ur difference from others that made me fall so much in love with u.i appreciate u enduring my temper all these while.i appreciate u always being the one who makes peace whenever we fight.i thank u for ur time.i thank u for spending ur time with me when there's others out there who deserves u more than me in every way.who can love u and treat u better than me.give u things that i cannot afford now,bring u places which i prolly would never thought of bringing u.i thank u for sticking by me all these times.in my times of need,when im having problems with my life,myself,when im sad,angry,happy,everything.i really thank u for ur time.there's never a day that goes by when i dun think of u,miss u and love u.there's never a day that goes by when i dun long for u to be by my side.that when i open my eyes,u'll be sleeping right next to me,in my arms.when i close me eyes,ur there too.the thought of leaving u has never crossed my mind.those times dun count as i dun mean them.the thought of doing u wrong or whatsoever has never crossed my mind too.im too busy loving u everyday that i dun have time to think of anything else.i may have my temper at times which are very hard to handle,which question the part on me loving u.but every relationship has its ups and downs.even couples who have been together for years till they're old have their problems with each other.but why they're still together is cos they're strong for each other.their love is there to bind them back together.they never let problems,no matter how big,to tear them apart.just so u know,i have always stayed strong for u,for me,for us.i've never once thought of letting go.
anyway,whatever it is,know that i'll always love u and have u in my heart.there's always a special place for u in my heart and no one can ever replace it.know that wherever i am,whatever i do,whoever im with,u'll always be in my heart,and that i'll always love u,for now,and a very long time.
remember what i told u,that u'll be the last girl in my life.

i love u,phoenix

2009-10-03T01:05:00.002+08:00

if ur not afraid to still continue what ur doing,then neither am i afraid to make it known to people about this.if this is how u want things to be,then i also cant do anything.im not gonna sit here and face u and act like nth is going on.u can do it,but i cant.at times,when i look at u,i feel a sense of sadness,pity..but other times,i feel hatred,anger,disappointment building up inside of me.im sure after u saw that sms,u know that i know.but ur not talkin to me about it.not that i want u to but i was half expecting u to talk to me about it.but no,ur still doing what ur always doing every night.on the bloody yahoo messenger.u play some malay music over and over again for dunno what reason while stepmum's downstairs but once shes up,u stopeed the music and go straight to yahoo.that pisses me off badly.ur not gonna end it are u?or u really dun have a clue that i know wats going on with u and that woman?need i tell u that i know wat ur up to?or need i tell my mum about it and ask her to confront u?im doubting u now,yes i am.im thinkin little of u now,yes i am.i dun trust u now,yes i dun.
but why?cos YOU made ME like this.u told me things,assured me,made promises,asked me to trust u,u spoke to me in a way tat make me feel bad,BUT,all those were LIES.all just lies.u were just making me feel bad,u were just tryna make me trust u.now that i know the truth,thinkin back of that day when u spoke to me with that tone,with the things u say,i must say,i feel disgusted by it.ur makin me feel disgusted with u,ur making me lose all the respect for u.its exactly what u told me that makes everything wrong.its exactly what u told me that made me feel how i am feeling for u now.u cant blame me can u?u cant get angry with me for giving u the cold shoulders can u?i cant stand this already.i cant stand coming home everyday seeing u act like everything's fine infront of the stepmum and brothers.i cant stand it that once they're up in their rooms,u start goin online and chat for so long.u dun even go to sleep ur usual timing already.i cant stand it for sure that stepmum doesnt have a clue to what ur doing behind her back.she completely trusts u so much.i cant stand it that u dun feel fuckin guilty that ur doing something wrong to her,that ur sinning right infront of her.that ur in love with another woman while every night,ur sleeping right next to urown wife.or what?u imagine her to be that woman?or sleep a distance from her?or that u find urself lucky that josiah's in between both of u,so u dun have to sleep right next to stepmum?
how lucky do u think u are?how far do u think u can go with this?how long more do u think u can keep up this lie and act?at least now,what i do,i dare to admit it.at least what i do,i do it openly.i dun hide.AT LEAST,im not UNFAITHFUL.at least when i do something wrong,i feel guilty tho im still doing wrong.but u,u dun seem tense or anything.u dun seem guilty.u lie without battering ur eyes.and u always tell josh and i that u are our father,u can see right thru us,we cant lie to u.
well,i am ur daughter,dun think that its only a one way thing.cos just remember one thing,I AM YOUR DAUGHTER.u wanna wait till something happens then u wanna regret?then u wanna change?wanna say sorry?aint it too late already?what u gonna do when the truth comes to light?go crazy and hurt us again?is that how ur gonna solve ur thing?
u said u know what ur doing.then do it.do it right.cos if I lose control,then I will set things right.right now when im still keeping quiet,pls,do something about it.dun tell me that i have no right in this at all and everything.dun tell me i made mistakes in the past and u forgave me.cos i never say i wun forgive u.infact,the person u shud be asking forgiveness from if things turn out for the worse is not me but stepmum.not just cos ur older than me and ur my dad means i cant have a say in this.its EXACTLY cos ur my dad,i MUST say something about this.i dun wanna have another broken family.i will leave if u wanna continue.take my word for it.im supporting myself now.i dun take a single cent from u.the only thing i owe u is my school fees.but other than that,now,im working and supporting myself.i pay for my meals,my fare card,myhp bills,my clothes,everything.i've not taken money from u since i started work.i can leave,go,stay out on my own.work and get on with my life.save my money and pay u back.and i dun owe u anything already.is that what u want?tell me,show me thru ur actions,and i will show u thru my actions too.

do something,before its too late

2009-09-20T23:52:00.003+08:00

so exams are over for me.can finally relax my mind and all.one particular exam sub im worried about cos well,teacher 'caught' me turning my head to my friend for at least 5 mins.warned me that i'll be barred the next time he catches me again and he shifted my seat.kinda worried that they'll minus off some marks and all.but like what all my friends and gf have been saying,they highly doubt so.even my step mum thinks so.

anyway,lately i've found out something that really makes me change my whole impression of him/her.for so many years,i never thought i'll have to go thru it again.and this time,the other person involved is totally innocent and if things were to surface under any circumstances,i think that person will really be very hurt.i will too.i already am feeling hurt for myself and the other person.infact,its not just me and the other person involved.more people to.but mainly,after knowin and finding out the truth,im really very disappointed in that person and i really dunno who i can turn to other than Nix.she'll always be my source of comfort no matter what.but other than that,i really dunno how to break it up to anyone else.i dunno if i should talk to the person about it or the innocent one about it.im really at a loss for what to do but i cant just wake up everyday knowing that im actually allowing that person to hurt the innocent one cos im not saying or doing anything about it when i know it.the feeling of having to feign ignorance and pretence in situations which are right smack in ur face is not a nice feeling at all.but what can i do right.either way,whether i let it out or i keep it in,i feel im still gonna be blamed in some way or another.either one will blame me or worse,both.i just hope that that person will know what to do,and do the right thing before its too late.i dunno how long more i can hold on to this.its really very disappointing to know who the person is cos i've always respected him/her.have always told people how good he/she is and such.but,now,i really am starting to question myself.

hope this thing will come to and end soon and of cos,the outcome must be the right one.if not,i think if i have to,i dun care whoever blames me or i turn out to be the bad guy,i'll set things right.or at least to me i feel is right.

on a positive note,chalet this coming tues to thur.cant wait.another exciting event after so long. :)) anticipating much.
oh and yes... 2 more days :)
love u much

2009-08-30T00:19:00.002+08:00

i hope that u'll wake up soon.i didnt expect this to happen to you.i dun even know why u'd do such a thing.now,this has to happen.we've stopped talking for so long for god knows why and now,this has to happen which with tear us apart further.i just need u to hear me out.wake up,let's talk like how we used to.im sorry i keep delaying my time with to in wanting to smoothen things out.i regret now.i just want u to wake up and everything will be fine i promise u.u cant just be like that.what about the rest of them?what about me?
:((
i suddenly realised just how much time i've wasted in prolonging my time in thiswhole matter that now,things might be a little too late for me.u tell me that whatever happens to u,it's not my fault,u asked me not to blame myself.but how can i not?why do u not treasure ur life?im sorry,i was selfish.im sorry,i didnt think for u.im sorry,i wasted my time.and im sorry,that this has to happen first will i realise everything.please give me a chance to make it up to u.give me a chance to talk to u,explain everything.dun just shut me out like that.
everyday,i will pray that u'll wake up,everyday i'll pray for u to get better.u may be far from me but ur close to m heart.i hope that u can feel it.ur a very close and dear friend i dun ever wanna lose in my life.not to this,not like that.it's not time yet for u to have to go thru this.it's just not right and fair.he cant do this to u,u cant do this to urself.u may think that i dun need u but i do.i just dun say it,i just dun show it but i do.
i'll never forget what a great friend u have been to me.i'll never just give up like that.im sure u'll be fine.i KNOW so.dun prove me wrong.not on this matter,please.

Brooke,please wake up.Benji and the rest needs u.I need u.

2009-08-09T13:37:00.000+08:00

one day of fun and the next day on,one hell of a nightmare.even till now.im starting to get tired of everything already.it fcuking hurts to see what's becoming of us in such a shot period of time.just afew days ago,things were perfect.buthen after that,everything started going downhill.i tried to pick up the pieces but they just keep fallin off from my hand.im totally lost,i dunno what to do anymore.i feel helpless,hopeless,useless.
i just hope everything gets back to normal soon.

P.S Glenn,i need u right now.
I miss u hell lots.
Show me a sign will u.

2009-07-23T14:26:00.002+08:00

what the fcuk is mufflersbar.com man..now i cant play my music on my blog cos it needs some password and username which i dun know about. -..-""
oh wells..my blog looks dead but i see that people stil tag me..and cos of them,i shall post today. :)actually at work now..no customers and im using my own lappy.. :)) yes,me parents and i got meself a lappy for me birthday..but im alr using it.u know,itchy hands.but its ok..my birthday is coming in just 2weeks time...6th august people..remember :))33
so,school is not that bad cos the lessons are fun and interesting,to top it off,the teachers are nice and friendly too.so im actually not minding to go to school..but of cos,i prefer work still..one way or another..have been sick since last friday and i havent recovered yet.had fever but its gone now..im stil having flu and cough tho..sore throat too..oh well,its not h1n1 anyway..altho i wish to be quarantine :)then i can really catch up on my sleep but ya,touch wood man..people didnt survive cos of h1n1.

anyway,happy 8th month!
lots of love from me to u baby..and we're still going strong eh.
i love u :)

2009-07-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

my dear friend, Zora, told me to update my blog..lol..so here i am doing it just for u. :) i've been really busy with work,family and of cos,relationship..everything has their ups and downs moments ya...not gonna elaborate much.i just gotten myself a new hp. :)together with Nix..not bad hp i'll say and im liking it..signed everything under me and all..so i have another responsibility on my plate now..gonna be paying my hp bills myself nowwwww...lol..school's starting on monday..both days end so darn late..both at 7.30..omg...no time for anything..then other days got work..oh wells..welcome to the real world people..aites,shall update again sooon..

2009-06-14T15:41:00.002+08:00

working now.using danny's hp to blog.my blog looks dead and i was bored so i tot i just a lil bit..tml's my exam.food cost..lucky i managed to study the calculations and theory well.lucky again tml's exam is at 2..stil leaves me plenty of time to brush up on my memory.then comes beverage on thursday and lastly,english.dun freaking belittle the wonders of english man.im so fcukin regretting not learning my adverbs and shits well in primary school.tho my power in english is good,i freakin suck on my verbs and all.cant differentiate what's wat.lol..oh well,i stil have ample time..back to work!

2009-06-01T01:15:00.002+08:00

im one week behind my schedule in handing up my wine project.but its better than nothing i would say.i rather get my marks deducted than have a zero for it.cos i think i have someone in mind who might just get big fat eggy..tml will be me dad's birthday. :) we're going to manhatten fish market at Clark Quay.im surprised that he invited Nix along but he invited Novia too which i am also surprised cos i tot he would want it to be a family thing.but oh wells,im glad too.so i have no complaints. :)
ooo and its 2 more months left to MY birthday..i cant wait for my lappy and other presents..money is welcomed too!!! :)) then soon is our 7th month and so on..cant wait!!
ok ok..im actually tired..from work,from studies..body's feeling very immune to the routine and its not good cos its like,no time for ample rest and fun out with friends and gf.u go to school and come home just in time for dinner then u just warm ur ass on the sofa for afew hours and off u go to bed for work.u either gotta wake up early or u en late from work..and it goes on and on.not healthy at all..
cut my finger,AGAIN a few days back..bloody knife hit on my bone cos the skin is rather thin at that area.i can freaking pull that small piece of thick flesh backwards and see inside of my skin..one drop of water touches it and i get highhhhhh..that's,how pain it was..amazing how a cut so small can be so fatal.never,ever,underestimate the power of pain even when they're small..but lucky dun need stiches..i just kepp changing plasters to press the skin together.its fine now,but im not fine..like i said,tired and all..soon i'll be looking like a haggard bitch and Nix wouldn't want me anymore but hey,u are a middle class senile dementia pussy ok!so we're fair ah. :)

aites,till next time..
adios

2009-05-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

projects projects projects.
one due tml and i haven print out my notes yet.
just copied and pasted everything from the net.
where the hell am i to find time to do any of my projects when im working half the time and schooling the other?
like hello,do i not need rest from all these shit?
tho i must say i did pretty well for my terms...
very proud of myself..mm hmm.. (grade A) :)
yes but tho beverage is not my core subject,if i dun do well in my project,it will bring down my marks and a affect my gpa scores.
but oh well..lets just see.
i still have my english project to present on tues which is fcuked up cos i never like to present infront of the whole class.
to top it off,its not only my class..so im just thinking of things now to avoid having to present.

happy 6th month anyway. :)
tho its yesterday but still..
love u much...

2009-05-12T22:26:00.002+08:00

35/50 for my maths test.i consider that good.cos im a noob at maths so getting that mark is good enough for me.even if i just scraped thru with a 25,im also fine with it.at least i passed. :) kinda surprised that i got full marks for my calculations section cos i tot i had some careless mistakes.but my careless mistakes were on my SA qns...mixed up my answers but oh well...like i said,im happy with my marks.justin got 42/50.top in our class...lol...also got my hygiene cert..from like....last year?thats how 'fast' shatec do their work..
anyway,now i gotta worry for my project.havent done a single thing yet..where in the world do i have the time to do my project man.its either school,or work..and half the time,im workin afternoon.even if im working morning,i go home,have dinner and rest..aint no robot man..but i guess i gotta buck up a little cos im running outta time.gotta have a consultation with my mentor next week.no time to lose.
about family problem,what dad said is true.
there is no such thing as a perfect maid...sad to say,this maid of mine is no where near average i feel.thats in my point of view cos of some things that she had done.parents aint that happy about it and are thinking of alternatives..either keep the maid but put my lil bro in the play group,send my maid and bro to my grandparents' place or,send the maid back to the agency and get a new maid..oh wells..shall not interfere much..this is the adults' thing.will just go along with whatever they decided.
overall,things are fine.

2009-04-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

what's with the weather nowadays man.damn fcuking hot.even the kitchen at work is stuffy.
but anyways,life's been good..infact,very good.besides some strange things..oh i rather not talk about it.i hope it's not what i think it is cos if not,Benji,ima be looking for u soon.cant handle this alone.
as usual,school's still a bitch and will stay that way till this semester ends.dunno what my lessons are gonna be like next semester.hope there wun be much lessons and time not too long too.like they dunno that we're working for 4 days besides schooling..im flooded with projects and 3 diff subs one of which involves a fair bit of maths. -..-!!!so ya,to put it plainly,im fcuked..and i thought havingenglish lesson will be alright since i ace in the language but NOOOO....we really go all the way back to primary school man...with all the nouns and verbs and all...like who the shit cares bout that already.next week still got interview and all..
wat's best,im fcuking working for the rest of the week with only one day off to relax..where the hell am i gonna find time to do any project or preparation for my interview.not like i need to preapre but ya,still..
oh well...shit happens..and it so happens to happen to me one too many times..im immune to it already. :)
5th month just passed with Nix.(yesterday)..and we're still happily attached to each other..infact,stronger and closer than before..all's good and we'll keep it that way baby..
last but not least,i have this urge to say that my lil bro is the cutest thing u can ever see..and when he grows up,im sure he will have many girls going gaga over him..
and NO NIX,he wun want u no matter what so just give it up ok.
BUT,u still got me. :)
i love u

2009-04-18T01:10:00.005+08:00

nix is now under-going child supervison for the time being.so that when her sister's baby is born,she'd know how to take care of him/her.
lol..lucky for her,my lil bro there likes her.and what can u say about that lil bro of mine but cute?who can resist a boy like him..?besides me being on top of the list of irresistable,josiah here can be the 2nd.im more than willing to let him join me. :)
lol..ok enough of the self-praise..so not me.. :DD
on that day,nix accompanied me to ntuc to get ingredients for dinner.beef and mushroom aglio olio..im glad my family and her liked it.maybe i should suggest to chef that they should have a dish like that.cos u never know that there's people who likes beef and mushroom together in aglio olio.im perfecting my skills on both aglio olio and cabornara. :))
work is starting to get back on track for me cos praju and i are getting on better terms.
school's a bitch so i wun talk about it.with a combined class of freaks,what can get any better..
apart from that,having some minorrrrrrrrrrr problems in r/s but nonetheless,as usual,we always settle it soon.not gonna talk much about it too but i promise,things will be fine baby.
trust me..

what else can i say?
i love u baby,so very much.
always have and always will. :)

2009-04-09T02:11:00.002+08:00

what am i without you?
just a plank of wood;
always floating,always drifting aimlessly.
not knowing where to go,what to do or where to even start.
the only reason why i have a goal in life now is because i met you.
someone who taught me not to give up,
someone who made me realise there's still hope in things.
someone who made me change my views in love.
it's not everyday you'd meet someone you totally not know and fall in love with immediately.
these kinda chances dun happen all the time,shooting stars dun come by often.
to me,ur God's gift,sent from above to be with me.
others might not think ur perfect but just know baby,that in my eyes,my heart,ur perfect.
shall not miss this chance of loving u wholeheartedly;
will treasure u,cherish u,care for u and be with u.
everywhere u turn,anytime u need me,know that im there for u,with u.
i wun let u fall,i'll be there to hold u,be there to guide u,holding ur hand in mine,i'll lead the way.
wun be leaving u anytime soon,wun ever forget ur existence in my life.
i love you baby.

2009-03-31T00:09:00.003+08:00

unforgettable memories.. :))
perfect,wonderful.
something i've not done for anyone before,i did for u.
very simple,cos i love u..
BUT,i shall not eleborate much.
too much to type it here... :)
my friends,ask and u shall know..lol..
ok lame but i do wanna thank farah,sharil and santot for the company.
appreciate it very much..
had a blast..very much..
saw a couple of old flames.. S and A
happy to see the both of u,take care..

and baby,everything's just getting better for us ok.
i love u very much.
u mean everything to me and i'd do anything to let u know how much u mean to me.
:)..
can never get enough of u

2009-03-25T00:23:00.003+08:00

finally,after so long,we meet again.
spent quality time.
i've missed u so much im glad i get to hold u in my arms again.
and u,i love u. :)

tml exam..
nix has somewhat taught me the calculations part and tested me on some other parts for my exam.
have studied everything myself after sendin her home.
im pretty more confident than earlier in the day.
hope the paper wun be as hard tho.
and yes,i hope the calculations are on multiple choice..(which so will not come true)
lol...but i must thank u for trying to get the mathematical parts in that numb skull of mine..
lunch tml ya.. :)

2009-03-23T00:35:00.002+08:00

happy 4th month anni baby! :)
i love u alot..
4 months and counting...we'll last long ok..i know..

made a trip down to collect calculator from nix and get her her soya bean milk.
spoke to her from the carpark for one and a half hour then left to meet mum at her workplace for dinner.
had Kenny Rogers...fcuking full..
total bill : $81.++... o.O..
only 3 of us and the bill went rocket high..lol..
walked from mum's workplace to orchard mrt then trained back.
was talkin to nix on the phone thruout till i got home..
showered then 3G-ed with nix for awhile then sms all the way..
overall,im happy i get to see her again.. :)
i love u nix..

2009-03-21T23:09:00.002+08:00

and i thought i can finally see u tml.
almost pre-booked tickets for movies.
all the anticipation and excitement..
now i have to wait A FEW more days..
monday's our freaking anni and i have to spend the dam day at home cos after planning on the spot on thursday that i'll accompany u to the doctor's,one of ur parents are gonna follow u.
ur like the prisoner and im the visitor.
here's this,i cannot take another FEW more days to meet u..maybe u can but no,not for me.
i rather work everyday than to wait for the time i can really meet u.
urgh..fcuked up la..
fcuk it man..

2009-03-21T00:47:00.002+08:00

nix has been sick recently.we dun talk much either.half the time she's sleeping,the other half,she's always falling asleep.we dun get pass more than 30 msgs now.

but what can i say or do right...she's sick..i understand..i can only hope for her to get better soon.cos contacting her now dun even feel like contacting her at all..

but it hurts to see her like that..feeling better then after that,back to sqaure one again.please get well soon baby...

i love u...

so im having my exams next week.i dun have to go to work for that whole week.fcuking cooool...wat's cooler is im only having exam on one day and i got one week off from work and school.ample time to catch up on my sleep and study before the exam day.after which,the following week,i got my acedemic break.but i still gotta go to work for that 4 days.only dun have to go to school on mons and tues which doesnt really make a diff anyway.

im still enjoying work as usual.getting used to the things in the kitchen and learning to cook more things.being more exposed to them.chef said he's gonna let me stand in his area which is the stove area one day.let me see how it feels to be in his position.but i told him let me use the staffs' meals as a guinea pig thingy 1st.until i feel that im ready,i dun wanna stand in his position YET.

:)..i still gotta work on my aglio olio..but other than that,all's good for me.

besides the fact that i scalded 3 fingers of mine.lol..

pizza pan just came out of the oven,chef reminded me that it's hot,i knew it was hot cos i had the cloth in my right hand but i just subconsciously used my left hand to hold the pan to cut the pizza.woo,all i can say is...

effing high man..immediately my fingers went red and burning like fcuk..lol..

viki helped me to put some medicine.today i woke up and blisters were formed on them.but i was still able to work per normal.

tml will be my last day of work b4 i start my exam break.planning to watch Detroit Metal City on sunday with nix before meeting mum..also planning to have lunch with aunt Deb as she wun be joining us for dinner.shes moving in to her new place so near my place on monday..so she needs time do some packing.

all in all,i just want u to get better.

2009-03-20T12:07:00.000+08:00

u'll be fine.i know u will.
im here for u,with u no matter what.
i love u baby.

2009-03-12T00:40:00.002+08:00

projects projects projects..
we only have school 2 days a week and my project's due next week.
not that i have anything much to do but still..i gotta at least participate abit ma.
work cant be an excuse for me cos my fellow classmates are working too.
exams in 2 weeks time also..ah shit shit..
gotta start muggin alr..
work is as usual,great for me
:)
reno is done and the place looks good..better than before at least.
new menu's up too.with more food like pizzas and such.business on the opening day was fantastic.sales was dam high too.so yeah,work overall is great.

relationship wise,great too.
:)
need i say more.patience is a virtue and it goes a long way.i've been tryna change some of my ways of how i do things to make things right in the relationship and yup,all's good.no doubt every relationship will have its ups and downs but wats important is that both couples must wanna make things right again,iron things out,solve the problem and there..back to normal..thats wat couples are supposed to do..and not think of wanting to end the relationship just cos of a fight.it aint worth.
one thing i know is both our love for each other is meant more than all the arguments we had to date.so yeah..thigns will just get better trust me on that.
:)
i love you

2009-03-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

even if it hurts when it happens,i'll handle it.

for u.

even if i dun want it to come,i'll go through with it.

for u.

i dunno why it has to happen once every month,maybe cos of ur ----,maybe it just comes like that.

but i will take it when it comes.

i understand,at least im trying to.

and cos i love u very much,i will bear the hurt.

2009-03-04T12:49:00.003+08:00

finally,that dreadful test is overrrrrr...but so what,i think im gonna fail this time round anyway.all the studying obviously didnt pay off.because of work,i didnt have ample time to study.previously,i had like 2 weeks to study and almost everyday,i was studying with Nix and all.now that i've started work,fcuking difficult.nonetheless,i made use of watever days i had left to muggggg.Nix was studying with me too but as usual,we both can never study properly together cos we'll end up disturbing each other and playing a fool.oh well..
on the day before my test,i started mugging at 6 plus...then i had my dinner and continued till around 11plus.told Nix to wake me up an hour afters so that i can continue mugging but by the time i was awoke,it was already 3 plus.and Nix was on the line.god knows what time she called and i picked up.she still can tell me i go back rest and she will call me around 5 or 6 plus so that i can wake up and study again. -.-""
funnyyyy u..in the end,i gave up and just went to sleep.studied on the way to school since the journey is far.figured i could contain some more despite my tiredness.all in all,when the paper came,i just totally blank out.reason why,cos whatever i've learnt,infact,everything i've learnt didnt come out.dammit...i was at a total loss for words.i looked around the class and i see the same kinda face everywhere on my friend's faces.
oh well,the test is over and whatever my marks is,i know i did study at least.some of them didnt even study.so aftr the test,was some photo taking thingy for our student pass.aftyer which,i took a bus back with adam to bedok and picked Nix up,then to my place we went.she studied at my palce,stayed for dinner with my family.i cooked carbornara for my family ytd. :) im glad they all loved it,even little Josiah.
played Scrabble with Nix and fcuking,5 times we played,all 5 times she won me. -.-""...nehmind,i will brush up on my Scrabble and thrash u dry idiott...havent been playing that in a long time already so u gotta excuse me.think we're gonna get hooked to that game ever since we played it at TK on sunday eh. :))
talking about TK..hilarious man..but im not gonna elaborate cos there's just too many embarrassing moments from me already. :D recently,my stomach's been giving me shit man,the other day i was controlling my shit from City Hall all the way till Bukit Batok.FCUK..i was already contemplating to drop at Dover or Clementi cos i canttake it but i didnt wanna keep mama waiting at Batok.we were already late u see.so i bombed at Batok's mrt and after school,i was carrying my ass to Batok's mrt toilet AGAIN to bomb. -.-''..
and right now,i need to bomb again.i cant freaking take it.im typing standing up cos im tryna cover my ass's hole.
im gonna end here!!

2009-02-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

things are goooood...
better than before..let's keep it that way baby..
im glad we talked things out..wouldn't want us to delay out arguments cos it will affect our relationship.
and i love u so i wun wanna be fighting with u either.
nonetheless,all's good again.
work is great.
mum's side came down today to eat..4th aunty from step mum's side too.
business has been good. :)
pay is coming next week!!
yay.cant wait..
gonna be treating family to steamboat..thats what i have in mind..
:)...and also Nix..how could i forget her..
AMK ya baby..lol..

oh and yes,today's the big day.
I love you, Nix..
and yes,it will be so for a long long time,dun u worry.. :))

2009-02-21T00:43:00.004+08:00

dunno where this is all going.the path seem to be leading another direction.
dunno if im stepping into the right path.dunno if im doing the right thing.
what i need is ur assurance,a comfirmation,an answer..
only with u i find peace,only with u i find joy,only u i feel happy with..
only with u i feel complete,only with u i feel whole..
only with u i feel love...

you are my comfort zone.

2009-02-17T22:41:00.002+08:00

3rd week into work and im still feeling as good as ever.
still not tired of it neither am i wanting to quit or anything.
sometimes lazy yes but i do anticipate too.
im gonna start learning how to make sausages and pizzas!!!
yay..more food..
loving the place..
soon it'll be called San Fransico Bay,with new menu and all.
cant wait..
yes things these past few days are going very smoothly for us.
no fight or whatsoever.
tho we passed 1 week without work out,we're good. :)
record breaking i'd say..lol..
im glad work's near u..
im glad things are working out so well for us.
6 more days for us baby...
i love you

2009-02-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

work has been fantastic so far.
have been enjoying myself there and anticipating the next day's.
met up with Nix today for lunch,sent her to school then to work myself.
very near cos her school is just opp my workplace.
was marinating and frying fish the whole day.
lol..but it was fun..
something new to learn about.
had dinner with Nix afters.
poor gal..she gotta wait for me for 3 hours plus for me to have my break.
:)..im sorry and i love u..
long john-ed,spend some time together then she walked me back to my restaurant and went home.
im loving work..
but of cos..im loving u more and more..
sat sat sat sat saturdayyyyyyyyy...cant wait.. :)

2009-02-09T00:50:00.002+08:00

someone kaypo told me i've not been bloggin.
lol... :)
so cos of her,i shall blog abit.
gonna just sum everything up.
i've started work at Saucisse and im loving that place to the core.
chef is great to me,service crews are friendly and the food is superb.
have brought family there to try,Nix has tried the food there too together with her sister.
so far,comments from them are, GOOD. :)
im gonna pick up a few skills there from chef and cook them for my family and Nix.
aunty deb's birthday just passed too.
happy birthday to u.
ur being loved by me and many others including Nix and Novia.
2 new additions... :)
see how lucky u are..lol..
on the downside,now that i've started working,i wun have much time for church,Nix and mum.
:(....
yes yes i know but i will make the best outta things ok,promise.

as for the affair of the heart,everything's going smoothly.and yes,even better than before i do admit.i love u baby and im loving u more.dun worry,ur fav cook is here to stay ok.trust me :)
lamb racks,potato salad,sweet and sour chicken and much more coming up!!

2009-01-31T03:09:00.002+08:00

CNY was great.
this year rather more meaningful for me.
found someone special to spend it with me apart from my family.
and better too on the fact that last year wasnt that good.
lol..
signed contract today,all's good.
starting work next wednesday..
also the start of getting used to working life yet again and not meeting up with Nix as often.
but we'll work things out ya baby.
and so,i love this retard by the name of Nix too.
:)

2009-01-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

the most redundant post i just read.
lol..
talkin about me wasting my time 'STALKING' her and posting a long post but in the end,she did EXACTLY the same thing.
ironic much.
whats humiliation to u when u humiliate urself?
thinking that people will not know what u did in the past.
talking bout jealousy,i know for sure im not as bad as u.
im not the only one can see the much happier sight of Nix now.
it doesnt have to be me whom she is with now that will make her happy.
but i know that as long as its not YOU,she will be happy doubtlessly.
talk about childish,people who have or will turn suicidal cos they're afraid to lose their gf are childish.
turning to self mutilation just to get the girl to stay by her side is so passe.
telling her friends that they've kissed more than once when the fact of the matter is,its ONLY once,boasting proudly about the things they've done, which is nothing much,is childish.
cos u gotta live on lies that u created to make urself feel better,feel important,feel loved.
seeing ur friends coming to ur defence when they probably dunno the whole story,
what other word can i use on u other than no back bone?
talk about me scoring A for vulgarities?
at least,whatever it is,im better in EVERY way than u.
YOU thought this whole thing was cos we're both fighting for Nix.
I didnt think of it that way.
YOU said i made matters big when YOU were the one who let so many people know about it,then have ur clan to tag me and everything.
fine if u say its ur friendster and u can post whatever pics of ur gfs,sluts,bitches,well cos maybe most of them are like that,sluts and all.
i wont say anything on that.
then its also fine if i wanna shoot my mouth on u or if i wanna humiliate u.
why feel humilliated?cos what i said were facts?
then thats too bad.
facts are facts.
dun say u still miss her and everything.if u really did,u'd have thought for her before telling ur frends so much which in the end,got her involved when its only between u and me.
aint gonna waste my time on low life people like u or ur clan.

2009-01-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

dun try to prove urself by doing things only AFTER things are said to u.
what the fcuk are u trying to do?
or prove..dammit whatever it is,its not fcuking working.
who will put up pics of their ex AFTER they've broken up.
with captions which will make people think that both of u are still together.
are u so deprived that u gotta do this?
i fcuking pity u man..
and after i shoot u about the whole thing,NOW ur trying to prove to me that u really cant be bothered.
lol...fcuking lame la..
its so fcuking obvious what ur trying to do la..
like i told u,wanna defend urself also do it the right way.
where people CANNOT tell..
ur like putting ur textbook on the table to copy answers during exams like that.
dam dumb la can..
eh snap back to reality leh..
u've lost the gal alr..so just give it up and move on..
fcuk off and get on with ur pathetic,meaningless,useless,stupid,dumb,idiotic lame life.
u think by having her pic with u on ur friendster and with those captions,
she will soft heart and go back to u is it?
or u think that u might be able to hold back some of her feelings for u and then make her think of u occasionally when shes with me..
well like i said,whatever ur tryna do,ur motives and intentions,u can just burn them in that peabrain of urs and go fly some kite.
ur attitude and the things u do depicts the kind of person u are.
stupid,immature,dumb,lame,cowardy,scardy cat and dam dam shallow...
I message u but u go to HER.
to ask her to tell me not to kaopei.
its like ur going the long cut to get to ur point.
reply me back la fcuk...
its not like ur talkin to me face to face lik that..
reply thru the com also will make u have sweaty palm is it..
if u can talk like that to her,like some ah beng shit,then talk to me lik that also la.
i cant stand people like u..
fcuking irritating...
honestly,i got nothing against u having ur pic with her..but change the dam bloody fcuking caption.
its dam disturbing..
im pretty sure ur purposely not loggin on to friendster just to prove ur point that u dun always log in and that ur lazy..
cant be so coincidentally i talked bout it then u do it what right..
i dun wanan share the same kinda telepathy with u know..
i dun wanna rust yet..
its sad to think that for that 2 days ur behind ur com,hands itching to log on but u cant cos u wanna prove us wrong..
please la ok.
older than me but act like that...fcuk la..
wake up la..
do u know ur playing this game by urself...
u start it 1st but then u dunno how to end it and u just chapalang..
in the end,u chapalang till geylang also still haven end yet..
only makes things worse..
learn how to cover ur loopholes,learn how to defend urself,learn how to lie,learn how to shoot people off..then come back to me..
we start new game..
im right here waiting for u one..
tho its boring la to play with people like u..
its like playing with my back hand like that..
dam bloody boring but on the other hand,it thrills me to play with people like u.
to know that i can just win u anytime and to be able to feel that u feel defeated but still wanna play on.
i wanna see how far i can stretch ur limits..
its ok one,i like to win over and over again..
aiya i tell u,at the end of the day,i play with u or i dun,i still win one.
cos ultimately,i got the gal,im with her..
shes happy with me,im happy with her..
i love her,and so does she..
we're much sweeter and loving than how u were with her.
at least she dun feel disgusted by my name and dun shudder..
lol..
ya she's mine now..im not letting her go leh..
what can u do?
wack me la...come find me la..
go ask her where i stay,what floor and unit la..
call ur gin nas all come take weapon and find me lor..
if u got the fcuking guts to do so..
if not just shut the fcuk up,sit ur fat arse down behind ur com,make kopi and shake ur dam legs away
haiya..ur sucha a loser..
why am i even wasting my time on people like u..

piece of advice:
dun be a fcuking hypocrite.dun think of doing anything just for the benefit of urself.dun think that ur all that good with ur looks and hair or whatever.dun over estimate urself and most of all,dun be so fcuking shallow.

all these will get u nowhere..
all will make u out to be a fcuking goner,loser,no lifer,sucker...

2009-01-11T00:28:00.000+08:00

finally pictures together.

:)..

love u very much baby.

hope u know that...

2009-01-10T02:06:00.002+08:00

guys suck big time...
chicken suck big time...
geylang suck big time..
u guys are all fools..
god gave u bodies to get fucked ha?
god gave u dicks to go fuck ha?
not scared HIV?
idiots..
bunch of losers..
lowly rated guys and womens..
no self esteem,no dignity,no integrity,no shame!!!
useless fuckers!!
dickheads,fuckers..deprived old faggots..
parents never teach u to have respect for others and for yourself is it..
even if u dun respect urself or those women,then have some face and dignity to respect ur parents who gave birth to u.
pea brain dicks..
u guys dun wan ur faces but think bout ur parents..
shameless fucking morons..
god dammit..
i wish one day all u guys will have ur dicks castrated..
i wish u guys will have HIV and die..
idiots..bullshitters..
faggots...low life..no morals..
wouldnt make any diff if u guys were gone...
and gals like u all...
i hope u gals get laid and laid till ur hole gets bigger till even shit can literally come out from it.
i hope ur cb grows pus and can never open up again.
need money also dun need to like that right..
think ur bodies are for display is it?
why the fuck u gals selling ur bodies off like that?
i wish i could spit right in ur faces when i see u gals standing outside the hotels tryna hook up those low life faggots
i wish i could strip u off ur scanty clothes and parade u naked in public.
since ur not ashame of urselves..
but cos i still have that little bit of respect for u guys cos afterall,still human beings..
dun u guys feel dirty?
letting so many different men touch u?
fuck u?
put their disgusting dicks in ur cb?
aint u all afraid of aids?
dun u gals have brain?
self respect?
stupid bitches...
sluts...whores
u all deserve these names..
cos u all portray this kinda image on urselves..
so dun blame people like me who cant stand people like u guys.
ought to be ashamed of urselves...
cheap bitches..
argh i hate these kinda people!!!

2009-01-09T01:04:00.002+08:00

interview today at sweet indulgence.
Nix was with me.
some tour guide she is.
walk here walk there.
lol..
but thanks anyway,without u,i prolly would have reach there later.
apparently,they're only looking for full time staffs.
when i told them about my course,they were surprised but said it was interesting to know.
the place is small and they was only like a couple dining there.
but its ambiance is rather nice.
well the interview was ok la.
apart from knowing that their shift is a 12 hour standard shift,they close every sunday and that they're gonna be opening a new branch in town area.
not really keen on the 12 hour shirt and the allowance is low.
$400... -.-..
my course starts from $500, MINIMUM.
so ya,lets see what they have to say.
im kinda lookin forward to the one at woodlands but branch is at bugis
have a pretty good feeling about that one.

went to Lau Pa Sat to eat.
already settle on the food..already ordered.
found a place to sit and guess what,i said we should have went to simpang to eat and this Nix was like,eh lets go la.
then i was like then how bout the murtabak..we already ordered.
then i cant remember what Nix said but she was like want not wan not...
-.-..
in the end,i gave in la..
and we took off..
fcuk im damm guilty thru out la..
was contemplating whether should go back or not.
so here's this for the man.

IM SO SORRY FOR RUNNING AWAY AFTER ORDERING MR LAU PA SAT MURTABAK STALL!!
I DIDNT MEAN TO..
SORRY FOR MAKING U WASTE $5 WORTH OF MUTTON THO I'LL BE DAM GLAD TO EAT IT UP FOR U!!

i feel better.
im not going there for the time being in case he remembers my face.
if i go there,i make sure people will order for me.
i'll just stay in my seat and far from the shop.
lol..
ended up at the prata shop at my place eating.......murtabak..
-.-...
Nix and i were arguing in the mrt whether to eat aston's or my place.
i won of cos..
lol..
overall,i had a good time as usual.
i hope to see u tml..
and no,ur feet dun stink la..
:)
love u..

2009-01-07T01:54:00.002+08:00

as usual,great day today.
last part especially.
some unexpected things happened but in a good way and all's good. :)

some good news about my attachment made my day but after that,some other not so good nor bad news ruined that little bit of happy mood for me.

good news first.
have another 3 places who wants people.
have sent in my resumes immediately.
now hopin to get a reply from just anyone of them.
get this done and over with.
dun wanna have anymore conflicts with dad.
i think because of this matter,we're kinda drifting apart.
dont talk as much.
like 2 complete strangers at home.
i seem to be a tenant whom he's leasing out a room to.
:( its sad...
but anyhoo...
this is when i need a miracle..

the not so good nor bad news..
sighs..
i tried talkin to u..but u just never listen
and now u wanna choose the easy way out?
escape?
hey i've been there,done that..
aint worth one second of ur life gal.
think about it.
even if u dun treasure ur life,even if its not important,even if u dun care,or dun love urself,
think about the people around u;
who treasures ur life,whom u are important to,who cares and who loves u so very much.
dun be selfish to the extend of not even sparing a thought for others.
and im one of them who cares for u and everything.
people fall when trying,but they get up and try again,and again....and again
till they get it..
they dun give up half way.
remember this,the only time u fail is not when u didnt achieve what u aimed for but when u give up,when u fail urself.
the most important thing is u stay positive,have faith,believe in urself and never give up.
keep tryin..no matter what it takes..
its worth every bit when u finally achieved it.
trust me,things will be fine.
only if u believe.
when there's a will,there's always a way.
aint being much of a responsible person by escaping u know.
and i dunno u for that.
guys come and go F,but friends,good friends and family stays throughout..
come what may,u know who to turn to when u have problems.
u know where to find me.
im just a phone call,an L shape,less than 1 minute walk away..
dun even need taxi,bus or mrt to get to me.
im that close to u if u need anything,so,dun give up.
:)

anyway, NIX,
thanks for the lil fire extinguisher.
though no flames,only a light,i still love it just as much.
cos its from u.
and i hope u like my really lil tiny weeny gift too.
hey,i'll try my utmost best.
i promise..

for u,
im willing to take all risks;
with u,
i feel the bliss.
in u,
i feel the warmth;
from u,
the love so strong.
because of u,
everything to me is of worth;
and u,
are someone worth to love.
before knowing u,
i didnt dare to make a choice;
after knowing u,
i didnt even need to think twice.
to u,
i hand the key;
now u,
are responsible for it.
besides u,
there is no other one;
only u,
are who i want.

i love u baby.

2009-01-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

recent posts have been short cos moods aint really helping much.
mm hmm..
but nonetheless,its a new year as said.
school's starting in a week's time and fcuk i've to be in school by 8.
which means i've to wake up and 6 and get ready then on to meet justin in the train.
as usual..
school's starting even earlier now than 1st and 2nd term man.
1st term - 9am
2nd term - 8.45am
3rd term - 8am..
wtfwthwts!!
-,.-''..
school is so free to get students up on their asses so early in the morning for class but cant help those who hasnt got any attachments.
priority priority...
-o.o-''...
i have to find an attachment soon b4 things are really too late..
dad's been talkin about too.
im pissed about this whole thing too aites..
so dun keep thinking im not interested.
it bugs me too but what can i do when they have people already or that they didnt get back to me when i sent out my resume.
not about being proactive like i've said.
but im trying...
it beats me not even sending out resumes and all right.
places that were given from school and friends,i've all tried.
every single one of them.
when i get back to school,ima talk to kris again and see how it goes.
so just,hang in there a lil aites dad...i wun let u down again,i promise.
so anyway,im here again,typing my life away.
:))
im gonna sum alot of things up from the week b4 christmas cos u see,after i came back on the 22nd,i really had no time for the com to blog about my 4 days in cameron and all.
but to sum it up,holiday there was abit of boring,abit of longing for home,for my bed,very cold,and mostly fun.
abit of boring cos everything there is about strawberries.
everywhere u go,they'll be selling strawberries and toys and keychains and shirts.
to bags and sweets and really..everything...
abit of longing for home cos definitely,home is the best place right?
to be in ur own bed,hugging ur bolster,under ur blanket and everything.
very cold cos really....cameron was fcuking cold at that time.
and like its not cold enough,our hotel is right at the top of the peak.
when evening falls,u cant see a thing outside at all cos the clouds or fogs cover everything.
early in the morning too.
and they dun have air-cons in the hotel cos its already cold enough.
but the hotel was nice.
pool tables,playstation areas,mahjong to be rented,other games.
very nice facilities.
everyday im playing pool with josh but as usual,i win him in the beginning and he wins over after that.
journey there from home was about 10 over h ours but i think journey back home was faster by a couple of hours.
overall,i had an enjoyable time there.
tho i have to admit that i keep wanting to go home.
BUT,if i was in thailand,enjoying my MBK centre,shoppin and everything,i'd wish to stay longer there.
really..thailand is teh sex..
i dun mind goin there every year for holiday,going to the same place,eating the same food.
:)

then came christmas eve.
did last minute shopping on the 23rd and 24th itself in the morning till early arvo as we only have that 2days to get all the presents.
veryyyy rush...but nonetheless,all's good.
christmas eve was good...
mum's side came and we had dinner at my place,everyone stayed longer than the past years cos they're always celebrating at aunty hazel's place which is at jurong.
so u can imagine the journey back home will take awhile.
therefore everyone gotta set off home earlier.

then christmas day itself.
dad's friends came over.
so did Nix.
:)..
after that,we spent a little alone time together.
very memorable i would say but shall not disclose further.
:))

and finally,new year.
spend it at nick's place..who is j0sh's friend.
not bad..played mahjong and such.

so thats about it la..till now..
only the 3rd day pass new year..
soon,its CNY...
busy busy again...

and things in my relationship,
steady,rocky,steady,rocky,steady...
like that..
but overall,great.
:)
it will get better soon,ur right.

i love u,these 3 words are enough to tell everything.

2009-01-03T01:57:00.001+08:00

happy new year.

new year,
new change,
new chapter...

ya da ya da..

everything seems to be the same to me.

whats new,
nothing.

whatever..

2008-12-31T02:06:00.000+08:00

:(

im sorry

2008-12-29T01:04:00.001+08:00

im happy.

so are u.

things will be fine.

i know..

i hope..

i love you

2008-12-18T00:20:00.004+08:00

i dun think i will have the time to blog tml.
so im gonna do it today before i go off to cameron.
this post is specially for u Nix.

i just want u to know that im gonna be missing u for these 4 days.
yeah may not be a loooooong time before im back but i'll still be missing u truckloads.
of cos i will enjoy myself there,just to make the trip worth;
but i will definitely be thinking of u every single moment.
wherever i go,whatever im doing,whether im shopping,eating,bathing,sleeping,reading..
anything....i will be thinking of u and missing u thruout.
i promise..
i want u to take goooood care of yourself in spore.
u know,its gonna feel dam weird cos we're not gonna be contacting each other at all.
no phone call,no sms,no msn...nothing...
so ya..totally no contact..i cant know how u are..
ok wait,i can cos u will be smsin me everyday but u cant know how i am and all.
not much communication.
but i will try to find ways to contact u i promise..
please eat ok...dun skip ur meals..
eat fruits,rojak,briyani..anything..just dun go on empty stomach..
weather's not been very good also,if u feel cold,please cover urself with blanket ok..
dun catch a cold..ur already sneezing..
take some flu tablets or anything to make urself feel better..
drink honey water if ur throat hurts and all..
i dun wan anything to happen to u.
wait for me to come back ok.. :)
i will write everyday in the book..
dun do anything wrong ah i tell u..
if not i'll come home and spank u..
:))..u might even be waiting for that uh *wink..
lol..kidding..
u must sms me everyday hor.. :)
i want good morning and good nights smses and the occasional msges in between telling me what ur doin and how ur feeling and all..hurhur..

but anyways,i love u baby..very very much..
remember this,how far i am away from u,im ALWAYS close in ur heart;
never leaving u again... :)

2008-12-17T02:38:00.002+08:00

another 1 more day and off i go to cameron.
gonna shop till i drop.
since im there already..why not make the best outta it right..
gonna shop for presents for certain people and then..just enjoy...
gonna bring the mini mahjong set there too.
at least i can keep myself entertained..
cos u know..my mind will very often wander off thinking if nix is doing well back in spore.
but yeah..if i show too much of sadness in my face,family might see thru it..
so yeah...act well jo...
4 days will pass fast.
but im sure i will enjoy myself just fine..
:)
and when im back,christmas is just round the corner..
gonna have a celebration on the eve and all..
will be cooking for the family.
:)
cant wait!!

6 more days...

2008-12-15T00:59:00.002+08:00

please dun keep saying that im not interested in my course.
its a 2 way thing.
its not bout being proactive and making the initiative to go down for interview instead of waiting for them to call on you.
imagine i go down there and they tell me they have enough people.
its a wasted trip.
i have friends working there,they can help me ask around to see if there's still space.
whats wrong with that.
if it were u,would u wanna waste a trip going down there when ur friends who work there told u that the chef himself said he will call for an interview if there's availability?
no right?
the fact that he didnt call its cos there's no place now for the time being.
then do u want me to just sit at home and do nothing?
when i do that,u said i dun care,when i wanna go for other interview,u also say i dun care.
then what do u want me to do?
if i go for other interviews which are not under shatec but i confirm got a place,its worth the wait during the auditing time cos at least,im secured with a job already what.
it dun really matter how far back i am in my graduation what.
once i go out to work for the 1 year after my attachment is done,they wun ask when i grad or how late i was when i grad from others what.
just start later than others..its ok what.not like its one year after or anything.
and its not like im doing badly in my theories and practicals in school thats making things worse.
at least im doing so much better than when im in sec school.
can u just be a little more proud on me on that and dun rant at me.
if i really am a bum and wanna just wait for pple to all on me,i wun bother going for other interviews already leh.
have u ever thought about it this way dad?
have u?
if not,please put urself in my shoes ok?
just for one sec.
thats all im asking for.
u think im not pissed enough that others are secured with jobs and most are alrdy workin and im not?
i am too...
but what can i do when things just dun turn out smooth for me?
at least im not giving up.just trust me when i say that i wun disappoint u again ok?
ur not really giving me a chance to prove to u that i know how to think...
then how can u even say im not trying?

2008-12-14T02:35:00.001+08:00

one word,

P E R F E C T.

you and everything makes me complete.

im so in love with you.

2008-12-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

good luck baby.

i know u can do well.

have faith.

i love you.

:))

2008-12-11T03:03:00.003+08:00

i love everything about you.

the way u fluff ur hair,
the way u untie ur hair.
the way u play with ur hair,
the way u make ur lips.
the way u sit,eat,talk,laugh,smile..
the way u sleep,
the way u hold my hand in the bus and lean on me to sleep.
the way u hug me,
the way u look at me.
the way u feed me,
the way u lie on me on my couch.
the way u play with me,
the way u tease me.
everything.
ur voice,
ur eyes,
ur mouth,
that lips..
i can never get enough of them..
i can never get tired of kissing u everyday..
i can never get tired of seeing u ever so often.
im loving u more each day..

2008-12-10T00:38:00.001+08:00

baby, i need you now-
please take me by the hand.
stand by me in my hour of need,
take time to understand.

take my hand,dont let go,
and lead me from this place,
chase away my doubts and fears,
wipe the tears off from my face.

Baby, i cannot stand alone.
i need your hand to hold,
the warmth of your gentle touch
in my world that's grown so cold.

please dun leave me,
and hold me day by day,
cos with ur loving hand in mine,
i know we'll find the way

i love you

2008-12-09T21:02:00.002+08:00

SICK..

exam tml..

then on sat too..

i studied like fook for the past 2 weeks plus..

i should pass with donkey colours.

exactly 2 more weeks to go.

:)

cant wait

2008-12-08T01:59:00.002+08:00

unforgettable day today.
sometimes,while exercising,dun have to be serious all the time.
a lil fun is not that bad.
lol..
in-sync with the song..lol..
fun right...
u admit la ok..
lol..
2 rounds..
half an hour each..
not bad not bad..
when i gain my stamina back,we'll go longer.
:)
exercising is good...its healthy..
makes me lose weight.
now the muscle aches come...but when season already...
can tahan longer..

yes things are getting back on track again.
stay that way ok baby..
thats how things are supposed to be.
i can take it,come what may.
so dun worry bout it.
just know that i aint leaving u in the lurch again to handle ur things urself.
im here to share ur burden,to go thru them with u,help u with them..
im here to just be by ur side,so that when u fall,i'll be right there to hold u,support u and put u back in line again.
everyone has got their bad hair days..
i understand..so dun worry..
i love you and u know i do.

2008-12-06T22:49:00.003+08:00

boring day today.
ok well not that boring.
jamming at justyn's place was alright.
better than i expected.
im in love with the song Jamie!!!
:))
very nice...its so soothing to the ear..
so anyhoo,back to bedok for lunch,slacked there abit then went to town.
auntys and mum were there early for a Gucci sale.
-;-...
mum bought a bag worth........ $740..
just for the brand.
retarded.
dinnered at the food court and dammit i just gotta see my ex there.
stalking me or coincidentally there,i really dunno.
but,dun act all desperate for a chance when ur talking to me but when u leave,
u gimme the the u-dun-give-a-shit kinda attitude.
fcuking two faced alright.
dun make it look like as though im the one desperate for u.
it wasnt me who smsed u to go look for me before i come to ur table infront of ur family.
it wasnt me who came to ur house,who waited for u.
it wasnt me who's asking for a chance now and everything.
so dun turn tables round.
dun step on my head.
while i can control ur pathetic-ness now,u better know what to do before i'll help u.
and u know u wun like it,not one bit of it.
all of u toots are coming one after another.
do i freaking owe any of u anything in the past?
argh..
like its not enough,i got to know something which i didnt expect would happen.
but until i speak to that guy personally,im still trusting u.
so dun betray it.
i'd rather u tell me the truth whether u know i'll be angry or not than u to keep it from me for awhile then confess to me after that.
knowing me for so long,u shud know that i dun like things to be kept from me for a period of time.
dun always use the excuse that u know that i will be angry or that u scared that i will be angry so u chose not to tell me.
cos if ur thinking bout it,then u better think again.
how would i react when u confess to me and i found out that u actually kept it from me for awhile.
dun disappoint me over and over again.
anywayyyy....josh had a fight with mum..
minor one but yeah...that caused us to split ways..
so we trained home with aunty hazel.
overall,today....
fcuking boring cept for the jamming part..
me,im pissed,annoyed,irritated and soon,i think im gonna burst if that ex of mine is gonna continue her stupid pathetic,desperate two faced tricks.
when i give u an inch,u dun take a yard.
dun cross my boundaries,dun test my patience cos apparently,im running out of it for u.

2008-12-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

ironic much,though im always at loggerheads with josh,
im missing him now cos hes at a chalet.
house is kinda quiet u know without him.
but anyhoo,i was a good gal today.
i totally stayed home the whole dam braady day.
for one,it was raining cows and pigs.
two,i was fugging lazy.
three,i wasnt meeting her today.
so ya..under the sheets was where i was for awhile.
i didnt wanna call her to tell her i was afraid...but u know,things got worse.
so ya..
there's a story behind all these people.
mm hmm.
so practically slept my life away today,used the com,spoke to her via msn and sms.
watched tv...listen to music..
she's out studying with her best friend now while im here at home contemplating whether i should meet an ex of mine.
cos really,i got no reason to meet her cos her kinda catching up is not the type i am looking for.
but shes been waiting since evening?
been asking since yesterday and all.
moreover,she's a gal and now shes alone..
it's kinda dangerous.
but,i cant do much either even if im with her.
:D...ok i can but yeah..
not that kinda do do but ya..protect kinda do..
she'll be doing the talking and i'll be doing the mm hmm,ya..err...ok..
one word convos..
whats the use...
im tryna pull time so that she will feel tired,frustrated maybe..then go home.
:))..
seem to not have any effects now..
strong headed as she may be,i am too.
enough of this.

tml,meeting aunty debs again,help her clean up the church,teach her how to use her new hp.
afterwhich meeting her too.
spend some quality time alone and send her back.
family night tml..
shall we botak jones again pops?
lol...
next week's exam week..
but only for 2 days..then its holiday till jan.
its gonna be a duper uper long holiday for me if i havent found a job yet..
can enjoy,go to cameron highlands,SHOP!!!
come back for christmas..
like finally im having christmas as a whole with mum's side too.
and not be coming back like on the 27th..
-.-...
i reckon,this year's christmas is gonna be a lil bit more,
joyful.
i guess it's because,
:)...
i've found her..

2008-12-03T22:37:00.003+08:00

something feels wrong.
but i dunno what.
and i dun wanna keep asking her about it.
i dun wanna be her ex number 2.
but i cant help it.
i just feel it.
its like,there's some distance from us.
some gap...
its like she doesnt wanna come near me.
i feel a kinda sad feelign but i cant comprehend much.
i just take it and accept it.
i dun want things to turn out like that.
everything was ok when we 1st got together.
whats wrong now?
:'(..
i love u and i hope u know that and can see it.
and of course,feel it too.
dont leave me.

2008-12-03T03:46:00.001+08:00

maybe i am thinking too much.

maybe i am too sensitive at times.

i know what to do already.

2008-12-01T23:35:00.002+08:00

went to school just to sit my butt through 2 presentations.
take exam tips.
one of which took 1 hour to cover 40 MCQs..
not to forget,still got true or false questions and short answers questions.
chef clarence i like u but sometimes u really dam slow.
lol.
supposed to study with just baby alone but in the end,studied with her friend, calista.
very nice and sweet looking girl.
:)
met up with baby and her friend at KFC..then head to demsey's ben and jerry.
studied there..
her friend drove us to my place,we bus-ed to bedok,bought fruits and i cabbed home.
cos i thought that dad and aunty would be home already so i hurried back before they make noise at me.
but when i got home.
not a single soul cept for the maid and the 2 brothers.
-.-..
fcuking waste my money man.
if i knew,i'd take the train and slowly go home.
oh well...
tomorrow got cooking exam.
2 main course,2 appetizers..
-.-...
fcuking sian..
will be meeting baby at house area to go home and study.
we had a little teeny weeny issue just now..but we're fine now.
this is how couples handle their problems.
they talk about it...and solve them.
not make things worse or end off.
:)
and thats why i love her so.
cos she complements me,
and like wise.

2008-12-01T01:24:00.003+08:00

hello world.
:)
ooo baby went to church with me.
i hope that didnt bore her cos she might just be coming every sunday after today.
lol.
but yeah...ur choice ya.
u know i dun push.
i just want u with me
thats all.
went to study at suntec.
oh and i finally met up with my long lost cousin from CHINA.
-,.-..
miss him to the core fcuk.
he brought bloody johnathan along with his gf.
not bad looking i must say.
but that johnathan....fcuking playing with him in church.
lol.
but im glad i saw Tim.
his body now dam fcuking mascular.
i like..lol..
would wanna have that kinda body sooooon...
gotta start working out again Jo!
get the abs coming.
:)
last i know of,i stopped at 4.
now,2 tyres burst..so im left with 2.
how pathetic.
so anyway...went to suntec with tim they all...but they went their seperate ways after that.
so in a way,baby and i got free taxi ride.
:)
went to bucks to study.
then went to meet mum.
the way we made our way to parkway is suuuuuppppppper ccccooooollll...
cos we made one big dam round.
from opposite suntec to PS to town then back to suntec then to parkway.
really one big round.
all thanks to.......
who else... -,.-
met up with mum..
baby clicked with mum very well.
cos she ate my mum's smelly tofu at esprit by touching her back.
lol.
oh man and i had a dam fight with one of my auntys.
i really flared at her.
what kinda aunty spills vulgarities to her niece,in PUBLIC.
sheesh...
i know i wun ever do that.
its not my fault that her hp is so fcuked up that she cant receive sms which was sent to her.
i did my part to tell her where we were when she asked me.
not like i ignored her sms and let her wait.
but she gotta pull my trigger and fcuk me up when she called me.
1st thing she did was to fcuking shout at me when i picked up the phone.
tell me,who the fcuk in their right frame of mind wouldnt get pissed off.
and knowing my own character,u flare at me for no apparent reasons or without straightening things out,i dun give u any face.
like its not enough,u come to the hawker and shoot ur mouth off at me,again.
u should count ur blessings that i didnt shout at u.instead,i told u not to talk to me.
cos i was still fcuked up.and u walked up to me and shove me ur dam retarded hp to my face to tell me u didnt get the dam sms.
like it will help that i look at ur fcuking hp.
all i did was to tell u not to talk to me cos i would have flared at u in public which i dun want to cos i dun want people to think im being a unfilial fcuk shit to my aunty.
but u gotta shoot a FCUK OFF at me.
and i thought i was the unfilial brat.
i guess not.
ur an adult and ur saying this to me,in public.
what would people think of it?
at home,i still can take it,but in public.
u dun want that thick skinned face of urs,i do.
its not even about face la ok.im ur fcuking niece.thats what that matters most.
u dun shout at me in public with a free flow of vulgarities.
why the fcuk should i respect u when u dun?
why the fcuk should i tell myself to keep my cool when u dun?
why the fcuk should i control my vulgarities when u dun?
why the fcuk should i even give u face?
not that i care bout mine.
i had a dam good mind to walk up to u and really fcuk u upside down but ur dam lucky there was mum and the rest there.
cos i still respect them and u.
enough bout this...talking bout it makes me flare up again.
anyway....

GIANT - CHECKED
TOILET NURSERY - HALF CHECKED
LEVEL 2 - CHECKED

next stop..

SCHOOL
FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS

lol...
cant wait...
:)
and, i love you baby.

2008-11-29T01:38:00.003+08:00

met baby today b4 meeting ah yi.
bus-ed to church.
baby studied while i was helping out while ah yi played my psp till it died on her.
lol.
and this guy was tryna hit it on baby.
lol..
i know he wanted ur number ok.
lol.
went to study after that.
studied only like...abit..
then cant digest liao.

botak jones with family.
food was fantastic.
love the coleslaw.
:))
ntuc-ed and sheng siong-ed then cabbed home.
mahjonged and dang i was the big winner today!
so proud of myself.
talk about everything falling in place for me.
1st game only i was over the limit.
:)
so yes,baby finally gonna the hp that she wanted.
-.-..
and im still lookin for it.
i wanna get N85!!
i think its dam nice man.
but oh well.
gotta talk to dad and step mum about it 1st.
tml gonna dinner with family and jess jiejie
belated bday dinner i think.
botak jones again..
-,.-..
but the food is good..so i dun mind.
maybe meeting baby too.
sunday is church,study then dinner with mum.
till then.

2008-11-27T23:45:00.002+08:00

yesterday..

movie with mum and josh.
but before that...got ranted by her.
cos of.....being late..
when...im not the one..
but....as usual...
used to it..
watched madagascar 2..
oh fluck i thought the show was some bore shit but NNNOOO...
i was wrong..
i ended up laughing in the cinema man..
but the show had some lessons to learn from too.
:))..
after that,we planned to go fish and co to eat.
so crossed over to park mall there.
guess what,black out.
-,.-'''
then they said wait for half an hour to be seated cos full house.
so they took down mum's name and all.
then walked a few steps,mum asked if we wanna wait or wanna go to manhatten fish market.
decided to go back to PS to manhatten.
then mum si bei cool...walk back to fish and co's entrance cos she wanna cancel her name and give the seat to others.
walked to the entrance alrdy,she turned back and said nvm la.
lazy..
-;-''
she was already there!!
people from behind were looking at us thinking wtf we're doing.
lol..
but ok la..
we walked back to PS.
long queue at manhatten also....
so i suggested to go gelare to eat.
both mum and josh shoot me say there got nothing solid to eat.
gooooooood...both shoot me and one time..
make me LL...
nehmind..
so we decided to just wait..picked our orders and ya..waited..
i ate creamy seafood pasta.
not bad.
mum ordered this fried mushroom thing with garlic sauce.
omdmfg..
i fell in love with the garlic sauce man..
i had like 3 servings of the sauce..
last one i just pour into my pasta..
dam nice..
their mushroom soup is also sex la..
lol..
but i think sir hisham's is better..
that one eat already really can make ur eyes close and let ur tongue do the rolling.
lol..
fcuk im serious!!
haha..
so well..anyways,there were a number of workers there on training..
so its kinda funny to see them kena ordered around.
but anyhoo...the food there is overall,goooood..
price also....dam gooood..
for 3 people...$70++..
nehmind...mum flashed her gold platinum card in their faces.
-,.-...
wats worse was that she gave a $5 voucher..then they give her back one.
then she checked the expiry and said that the new voucher ends even earlier than the one she gave them.
but in the end,the new voucher stated that it starts from november on..
-.-...
and she still can complained and make them find a new one..
dam toot lor..
but the workers also...wat mum say,they also listen and feedback.
the only thing i feedback-ed was the mushroom soup was fantastic.
i wanted to add on but i think mine tastes better but ya..
too the full of myself liao..
lol..
no la..kidding..
ok then after that,bucks-ed..
and home.
online....argue abit with baby..
i also dunno why..
-,.-...
but things are fine after that.
thats why i didnt have the mood to blog ytd..
but anway...

today..
picked baby up at her workplace cos she need to get and give somethings..
trained back to meet son..
drank at macs..
went to blue shelter market to buy binder..
:))..
aunty gave me discount..
from $8.90 each to $7 to $6..
fcuking good buy..
so son bought for me too cos mine was also gonna split already and cos last time her binder is i buy for her one..
lol..thanks alot son..love u..
after that...son and baby came over my place..
baby stayed for dinner..
son came up awhile to kill time b4 picking her gf up.
walked son to mrt. then home..
tv..then dinnered..
parents went to NTUC..
then played game with baby..
-,.-...
just for awhile only she happy..
and i cant...
!!!
thanks uh..
watched the coffin but no subbys and not clear..gave up.
then baby gotta go home..
omddmfg!!!!!
she mistook josh's slippers for hers and wore that out..
then i was like....then whose black shoe is that..
lol..
still can walk so fast..
fcuking funny i was laughing for 10mins straight..
even in the bus..
but its cute..really..
and i love u for that..
:))
sent baby back and too lazy to walk back to inter so i cabbed back
and here i am now..
typing my life away..
lol..

anyway,i just wanna add in,
i love u and no i wun ever get tired of u.
and yes..another 1 week or month's time..
things will be fine..i know it will.
cos as long i have u by my side..
i know things will be fine..

and..
i think im not starting work anytime soon cos giraffe's chef just took in 3 full time workers.
so ya..poor jo gotta wait again..
oh well..
this is life right..
i know its a test to test my patience..
fine..
lets play..

zoo,here i come!!!
white tigers better fcuk off..
:))

2008-11-26T23:16:00.001+08:00

no mood to blog.

actually had alot to say but now..

everything's just blank in my head.

shutting myself up.

2008-11-24T23:51:00.003+08:00

23/11/08 - O F F I C I A L

baby u know i love you.

things will go fine for us.

this i promise you.

now that ur mine;

i promise to love you,

take care of you,

never leave you,

in sickness and in health,

till death do us part.

im still waiting for the day you say you love me face to face.

but im waiting, patiently.

2008-11-22T02:28:00.002+08:00

im scared.
honestly.
now thinking that i might start work really soon,
fear creeps up on me again.
all the 'what ifs' come back to me.
this is me...
i lose my esteem very easily.
u see,things are going very well for us.
im very happy..u know that..
theres nothing wrong with us.
but when my fears come and take over me...
everything changes.
u know im thinking so much now about what if u get tired of me after awhile.
what if ur feelings stops,fades...
what if u like someone else..
what if im not doing enuf to make u feel happy or loved..
to make things worse,im gonna be working for like....27 months.
one off day only..
which means,we'll be meeting very seldom..
so..the what ifs will come floodin me.
already did.
just now i was alone at my balcony and i was asking myself.
what if when i start work...
u lost interest in me,
u dun love me.
everything just stopped..
someone took over me.
what if u suddenly told me ur sorry but u like someone else.
and the reason is:
cos ever since u started work,we barely had time for each other.
even when we meet,we dun spend much time and all.
then u just wanna end it.
i tell u,i will jump down..
=/..
u know,its like...i love u alot till i also get just as scared to lose u.
yes..i always say age is not a factor..
but u see uh..
people ur age or older than u can do better things than me to win u over.
cos they're prolly more experienced in r/s matters than me.
prolly went thru more than i did.
and also cos they're like ur age or older...
have more topics to talk about or more nice things to do..
not things as in intimacy..
as in..u know la..
go other country those kinda things la.
and im stil here,cookin in kitchens...
tryna carve out a future for myself.
when u can already like be exposed to more luxury and leisure kinda thing.
fcuk i duno what im tryna say la.
main point.
im scared.
scared that we drift,
scared that u will lose feelings for me,
scared that u dun wan me already.
scared that u fly to other people.
......
scared of losing u.
i dun want that.
i wanna settle down.
i dun wanna go r/s hopping no more.
i dun wanna keep getting in and out of r/s...
after afew months im single again..
then after awhile,im attached to a diferent gal..
then after awhile....single again..
this shit..
i dun wan already.
with u,i want it long.
yes dun try.
cos it will happen.
i know for me,i can do it.
but for u,i cant feel u now cos ur not with me.
i cant feel u cos im having too much of feelings on my side.
but what i can feel is my love for u.
i want u and me to be happy..for a long long time.
i feel fcuking happy when we talk about going to thailand..
getting kids..or animals..
kittens,puppy..
tho i nag and all..
but its like..the feeling's like married couples having sweet arguments.
but thats my opinion on that.
i duno..
i just know,with u is who i wanna be with,
with u is who i wanna do things with..
with u is who i wanna love.
yes baby,just you.

2008-11-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

need i say more?

i love you baby.

2008-11-21T00:39:00.003+08:00

no shit i cant belive wats happening to me.
everything seem to be coming my way.
with work,with love....everything.
luck has changed.
:)
all i can say is
im not perfect.
i cant give u the car u want,the house u want
i cant make u the richest person on earth.
i cant give u everything in the world..
but one thing i know is that i can give u everyting of me.
i'll do anything and everything for u.
to make u happy when ur with me.
i dun need money to make me happy.
i dun need cars and houses or watever to make me look rich.
cos with u by my side,i feel im the richest person around.
money dun buy love.
money dun buy u.
im very happy...
really..
i really dunno wat to say..
but baby,dun leave me cos i wont ok.
3 words,simple yet complex..
i love you.

2008-11-20T01:50:00.003+08:00

20/11/2008.
love it.
what else can i say.
im happy.
im at a loss for words but.
im happy.
today,dinnered at swensens with ah,uncle and aunty.
everything was great.
things were better than i anticipated.
:)
im very contented...
yes i am.

2008-11-19T14:58:00.003+08:00

sometimes i feel wrong..
sometimes i feel that i did nothing wrong.
sometimes i feel like some shit but sometimes,
i feel im the happiest person alive.
all these mix feelings are taking a toll on me.
but u know what,i dun care
i dun give a shit about it.
ima go thru it
cos i know that its worth it.
every single bit.
cos as long as its for you,cos of u,with u,about u,of u,on u
i dun care bout other things.
i just care bout u.
i really really feel for u..
i care very much for u..
ur feelings and the things u do.
i dunno wat ur problems are,ur stress,ur worries,
i dunno how u feel everyday when u wake up to a new day
or everynight b4 u close ur eyes before the day's over.
but what i know is i wanna be there for u in everything,
in everyway.
i wan u to know that at every corner of the earth,
im there.
im not hiding,im not stalking u...
im just there for u..
whenever u need me,u know how to get me and for sure ima be there for u.
i promise.
i aint gonna let u handle ur things alone.
i aint gonna leave u alone in the lurch.
i left u once,and im never gonna leave u again.
im not pushing u in any way u know that.
so dun worry bout me and just take ur time.
they always say,
what belongs to u will be yours no matter what.
what dont belong to u,will never be yours no matter what.
for us,i dunno if its fate,i dunno if its luck.
but sometimes it fathoms me a little.
cos we drew apart and then,we met again and things are going even better for us.
a sign?
maybe.
maybe not.
but i dun care.
watever it is,luck,charm,destiny,fate,
it doesnt matter.
wat matters is...
NOW.
the present,
u and me.
forget bout the future,baby..
:))..
we dun predict anything...
we dun control it.
i remember u told me,u live in the moment.
then do it.
lets just live in the moment and not think of anything else.
if we're made for each other,things will smoothen themselves out naturally.
lets not worry bout anything.
when ur by my side,the world is mine.
when ur by my side,the clock just stops.
i dun wan things to go so fast for us
im enjoying every moment spent with u.
just take ur time..
cos i aint rushing.
i want u to know me well..
i wan u to be able to trust me completely.
i wan u to feel completely relaxed with me,
completely happy..
carefree,stress free,nothing on ur mind..
i wan u to be you when ur with me..
in everything u do,u say
i want u to be true to me,
and,be honest with me..
no secrets kept.
then im contented already.
cos u know u mean something to me now.
u play a bigger part in my life since then..
losing u is something i dun ever want to happen.
its the last thing on my mind.
let my actions do the talking
and let ur heart do the feeling.

2008-11-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

i feel like im the happiest person here now.
i dun care if pple think im mad cos i smile to myself while waiting for a cab.
i dun care if the uncle thinks im rude cos he gotta call me so many times b4 i heard him.
i just know that today,im fcuking over the moon.
:))
im sorry on some parts but..
omg if the place was different......
mm hmm..
ok i wun say further..
lol..
ok...start from the top.
didnt go to church..overslept..
:DD..
dad came in,spoke to me bout not remembering grand dad's anniversary..
on friday already i remembered but i didnt know it was today.
i tot on monday or wat..
so i didnt ask cos too early..
left the room,,came in again to give me money then went to church.
so i continued to sleep..
then woke up,got ready,met up awhile..then off to meet mum.
dinner at this irvin's seafood place..
food was alright la..
they forgot my aunty's order..
-.-..
after that..went back to great world,aunty went to eat burger king.
asked mum to get me a shirt..she make so much noise.
dun wan to buy then dun...
dun ask me when i wanna change my dressing and everything when u know that i wun.
if ur talking can change me,u'd have changed me a long time ago.
so please,dun.
its exactly cos im 18,i think i shud have a lil bit more freedom of speech.
its exactly cos im 18,u shud worry less cos i know wat to do with my life.
why cant i excel even when im lik that?
i can and i will.
i've proved it didnt i..
look at how im doing in school now..
did i fail..
no i didnt..
so dun worry ok..
i wun be like last time again i promise.
i will work hard,study hard and i will make a name for myself..
i promise.
im serious in wat im doing now..
so please....dun try to change me cos im not changing ok.
i've set my mind on staying lik that.
so anyway...trained back..met up again...
talked awhile..then...
ya..
lol...
ok shoosh..
im not thinking right to blog more now in details...
wednesday,meeting ah yi..
dinnering with her too.
:))
cant wait..

2008-11-15T17:20:00.004+08:00

some piggy woke up at 5.
-.-...
very cool aunty..
very cool..
i woke up to the strummings of guitar..
and when i opened my eyes,i saw this guy standing right at the foot of me bed holding the guitar.
my dad..
and he smiled...
0.o...
at 11.30am in the morning..
too early for christmas carols..
:))
dad asked whose guitar is it..
i said farah's cos she needs my help in the tuning.
i asked dad if he can help tune..
he said its fine.
i said its not.
he strummed afew times...
put down the guitar and said its outta tune..
-,.-!!!!!!
and he walks out of my room.
wat was i wearing?
-.-...
my boxers without anything inside.. (cooling in the night ok!!)
and a shirt without anything inside too (again,let loooooose)
so its kinda embarrassing cos i was in a position that portrayed my sexy ass.
but i guess it was better than being in a position when everything is revealed.
to some who knows wat i mean.
*winks...
oh well..
thats the greatest dad in the world for u guys...
my dad!
:))
one u can never ask more from..
one u will remember,
one who will stay etched in ur heart till ur last breath.
yes i love me daddy...
ok anyway,enuf of that.
i continued to sleep and at 2.30,step mum rang my bell again.
so i got ready and went to grandma's place.
at 3,smsed some pig...but to no avail apparently..
-.-...
so yeah..lunched and all...
then made my way to my step aunty's renovating house nearby.
and no,its not near that aunty's house..lol..
mistake.
so ya..house was undergoing some operation..
obviously,we went at the wrong time..
dusty and all..
but for a 4 room flat..
its very nice.
compared to those houses i walked pass b4 gettin to her house..
big mirror on the wall..
mounted flat screen tv..
as long as mine..
the colours of the room are pleasant too.
very nice..
THEN...
i was seduced by my lil step cousin..
-.-..
no...like literally seduced..
when the drillings came...of all the adults,she ran to me when i was sitting down on the floor watching tv.
she sat facing me and then hugged me tightly and covered her ears..
yes that i understand shes scared..
but when the drillings stopped,she looked at me,played my ear...
leaned forward and omg...
freaking licked it.
o.0...
SO.....wats that all about?
drillings came again and she hugged me and all..
but shit the position she was in was like she wanted to do me..
-.-!
i mean it..no bullshit..
i shall upload the pic soon.
just to prove.
kids nowsadays....i dunno wat their teacher teach them in school..
anatomy is not for the pre schoolers yo!!
ok joke joke..
have to admit tho...for a young gal..
shes good..
LOL....I AM KIDDING AGAIN...
:))
shes my step cousin...lil gal...
i love her as that and thats all..
if its the other big gal..
lol..
i'd have shoved her to the floor and shout molest.
:)
right now,im back to grandma's place typing my life away.
:)..
but this post is normal.
like how i always post..talking bout things right from the moment i open my eyes.

i hope ur doing fine and remembering to take ur meddy..
please dun forget..
sometimes ur husband might forget too..and im not always there by ur side to remind u.
i dun wan things to get worse for u as it already is..
so please..
i heard from josh that ur recently sick again..
please please see a doc if theres a need to...
i love u ok..very very much and i know that u know that very very well too.
i cant afford to lose u.
if u think that i've come to terms with the worse,think again cos i've not..
not a single bit..
i just dun wanna think bout it and fill my mind with other things to do.
im glad i have son,daughter in law,god sis and of cos...aunty..
though half the time,shes like comatosed in bed..
-.-..
but anyway,i love all of u..even more than i love myself and spongebob!!
kudos to that!

2008-11-15T06:20:00.003+08:00

suddenly,i feel like telling u just how im feeling inside of me.
that sudden urge.
sometimes,words really cant be laid on the table one by one for u to read.
ok..now im at a loss for words.
talkin to u online just erased everything.
-.-..
let's just say,recently,im happy.
really very contented..
i dun dare to ask for more but im happy with the way things are.
not that i dun mind it goes stagnant forever..
i do want more things to happen between us.
to be closer,more connected and all.
but at this speed,im fine too.
though yes,temptations creeps up on me every now and then.
no rush no rush XD..
but i realised,one dun have to be attractive to be seductive and vice versa.
cos,i feel,as long as u like that person,any small things she do or say will just........
make u feel good.
cos i know my heart races even b4 i meet u.
and it races even more when im with u.
bet u dunno.
u got stamp in ur eyes.
but ya..
mm hmm..